One of the items in the Twelve Steps, which I very often forget, but so often suffer from, is the unmanageability in the First Step. It’s seems so easy to think only of the first part of that Step, being powerless over alcohol. But the unmanageability is part of what I need to remember, because it seems I’m just as powerless over that phase of my life.<\/p>\n
Long before my alcoholism showed itself in drinking alcohol, this unmanageability was present in my life. It seems that it appeared in the form of distractions. I was always distracted and had a hard time concentrating on what was important. I was always going off on tangents at home and in school. My mind, my thinking, was ever running off to this thing or that, when I needed to being paying attention to what was going on.<\/p>\n
Today, in striving to stay sober and live a spiritual life, the distractions I find are ever present and can make even my spiritual life unmanageable. And it’s all in my head, the root cause of my unmanageability.<\/p>\n
I listen to others, whom I know are practicing the spiritual principles everyday, and I have learned the importance of prayer and meditation. Especially in what I read in the BB and the 12&12. But it is in these two practices I find so much difficulty.
\nMy mind can be so dedicated and committed to these and I find that it is all over the place. Just as it was in school, work, home, you name it. I can start any prayer and almost before I begin I can be in a ball game, thinking of paying bills, thinking, thinking, thinking about anything but what I should.<\/p>\n
This especially true, if I’m overtired. I’m often reminded of those four things I’ve heard in these rooms to avoid are being hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. None of them are a good place for any of us, but this last is especially true of tiredness.<\/p>\n
What amazes me more than anything else is how, in spite of my failings in this area, I’m still sober. I’m still happy with this way of life. Life has been peaceful and serene for the most part. And, I am grateful to the God of my understanding and all the alcoholics in my life, who have made all this possible…like I said, in spite of myself.<\/p>\n
What made me so aware of this today, when in attempting to meditate, I was distracted. I couldn’t help but be aware of how these distractions can often make my life unmanageable.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
One of the items in the Twelve Steps, which I very often forget, but so often suffer from, is the unmanageability in the First Step. It’s seems so easy to think only of the first part of that Step, being powerless over alcohol. But the unmanageability is part of what I need to remember, because … <\/p>\n