There’s always something, isn’t there? Tonight the thought of forgiveness. Forgive whom? Others, but me too.<\/p>\n
I can remember suffering from the pain of guilt and remorse. The worst part of all that was I could not forgive myself. I remember my sponsor talking to me. He said, God forgives you, man forgives you, why can’t you forgive yourself? Good question. But that’s how it was for me for a long time. I wonder how I stayed sober during all of this.<\/p>\n
I had gone through the Fourth and Fifth, but was still stuck. The hardest thing was that, when we don’t forgive ourselves, chances are we’re not going to forgive others.<\/p>\n
Then came the Ninth Step and that’s where it happened. All my resentments vanished in the blink of an eye. That told me something long after the actual event. There must have been some level of forgiveness within. And the words, we’ve stopped fighting, pretty much describes that peace and quiet within, which came to me.<\/p>\n
The question of sobriety is one which is to the point, when it comes to self forgiveness. Like I said, how did I? I think the answer has to do in part that I wanted sobriety desperately and was willing to go to any lengths to get it. Perhaps that long painful period was just what I needed. But it’s definitely not recommended.<\/p>\n
I think that it goes back to how I always felt about myself. Not very highly. Somewhere along the line guilt became a habit. And low self esteem did nothing to help. But I know I was not alone, as I listened to those who were here, when I arrived. And I knew that they got sober and got better. That was my hope. And hope became faith.<\/p>\n
Anyway, something jostled my memory about the word forgiveness. I’m still slow on self forgiveness and have had to work the Steps, especially the Third and Eleventh. But, when I ask for help with it, it always comes.<\/p>\n
However my struggles with this is an indication of just how self centered I am. But enough for now. I’m sober today and tomorrow’s another day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
There’s always something, isn’t there? Tonight the thought of forgiveness. Forgive whom? Others, but me too. I can remember suffering from the pain of guilt and remorse. The worst part of all that was I could not forgive myself. I remember my sponsor talking to me. He said, God forgives you, man forgives you, why … <\/p>\n