Funny to look back at my beginnings in this program. But that’s exactly what happened today, when someone brought up a “problem” she had witnessed. Someone had said something to a new person in a group and they felt offended, the new person that is, and I guess left.<\/p>\n
I remember when I came in I was paranoid. If people were standing in a group talking and laughing, I felt it was aimed at me. Imagine. However I felt that way before I got here. Long story, so I’ll skip it. The fact of the matter is that no matter what I would never leave. I had come here to get sober and stay sober and no matter how uncomfortable I felt there was no way anyone was going to get me to leave.<\/p>\n
In fact it was around that time that my sponsor told me that the alcoholic (me?) was insecure, immature, and oversensitive. Sure described this alcoholic, when I had walked through those doors. Then he told me that I had to develop a thick skin. I had to overcome that insecurity, the hyper sensitive nature I had, and I had to begin to grow up. To become an adult. Just imagine. There I was at 42 and I had all the maturity of a 13 or 14 year old.<\/p>\n
Additionally those old timers back then had no hesitation to speak up and put me in my place. They did that frequently and, as I said, looking back I don’t blame them. I was often told in no uncertain terms to shut up and listen. However I am glad that they did. As I grew in this program I knew it was exactly what I needed at the time. I needed that self centered ego, which fostered all this thin skin, to be punctured and deflated. To get cut down to size. Somehow I sensed it was important to my sobriety.<\/p>\n
So, when I heard that story today I thought about what I would have done. Despite my insecurity, immaturity, and my oversensitivity, I would have been embarrassed of course, but that wouldn’t have gotten me out the door. I wanted this program. I guess I was ready, in a fashion, to go to any lengths to get sober and stay sober.<\/p>\n
I knew that when I worked that First Step I had surrendered completely to the fact that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life was totally unmanageable. I have never questioned that from the beginning. I was told that, if I wanted this program, I could have it. If I didn’t I probably would go out and drink again. I never wanted to that ever again, so I stayed.<\/p>\n
Anyway, just another reason for me to think about my sobriety. Why I came here and why I’m still here. Why meetings are so important to me. How I hear what I need to hear. A reminder I can’t stay sober by myself. And I always am reminded how much I need my Higher Power and need to be grateful for all that I have been given.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Funny to look back at my beginnings in this program. But that’s exactly what happened today, when someone brought up a “problem” she had witnessed. Someone had said something to a new person in a group and they felt offended, the new person that is, and I guess left. I remember when I came in … <\/p>\n