Today our meeting was on one of my favorite topics, staying sober. And the second was a dry drunk. Interesting, because they are so related. Heard a lot of good stuff from each and everyone who spoke.<\/p>\n
We even had a couple of “new” people add their stuff to these topics. It just reminded me of myself back in my early days. I was told to shut up and listen. That I had no idea what I was talking about. And of course that proved out to be true. I had no idea what it was like being sober one way or another. My sponsor had told me that I didn’t know and he was absolutely right as it turned out.<\/p>\n
I probably had all the symptoms of a dry drunk. I certainly wasn’t “sober”, even though I wasn’t drinking at the time. I had just learned, when I came in, that I was an alcoholic. I didn’t know that. I got that from the BB. Later I was to learn what alcoholism is all about. It’s a disease. A physical disease for which there is no cure. However, as we all learn in here, it can be arrested. We can all be put in a place of neutrality, as far as alcohol is concerned. The restoration to sanity. The spiritual awakening, or even experience.<\/p>\n
The rest of what goes on with us alcoholics is not so much physical, as it is mental. My personality. My self centered over grown ego. My lack of control of my emotions, which had discolored my personality for the worse and injured me and others. The stuff I had dragged through the doors with me. All of this along with my immaturity and desire to control and run everything. In other words the “dry drunk”.<\/p>\n
Why I never felt I was on a dry drunk was that I never ever wanted to drink alcohol again. I had surrendered to my being an alcoholic a hundred percent. I had no argument with what was wrong with me. My alcoholism. That was the first part of the First Step. The second part that my life was unmanageable was also a one hundred percent surrender also. The only trouble was that I had no idea what I was dealing with. Me.<\/p>\n
At first I was totally into my “human side”, my unmanageable life. I didn’t even think about a drink. But my dishonesty, my anger, my resentments, my fear and anxiety, self pity, my teeth gritting desperation to run things my way, and my resistance to fellowship and what we were supposed to be doing had taken over my life. That began to give me trouble. And about that time my sponsor got me to let go of hanging around the “losers” and had me begin to stick with the “winners”. A big change.<\/p>\n
And, of course, that’s about the time my sponsor got me to begin to work that Second Step, which began to open the door to this program. I had begun to attempt to live a spiritual way of life. I had started to believe in my Higher Power. I knew I had experienced hope and also began to see how to believe in him, because of hopes being fulfilled in my life. None of this happened overnight.<\/p>\n
Over a long long time in here I began to experience changes necessary for an alcoholic like me, if I wanted to stay sober. I have always remembered some of the rough times I had to go through, but also how I got through them all, despite the discomfort I had to experience. All I knew back when I did was that some how I was being helped by my Higher Power and all these people in these rooms. Absolutely amazing.<\/p>\n
I was able to get through these Steps, no matter how imperfectly. I began to learn that even though things were sometimes incomplete, that there was going to be time to redo them again and again. I had already learned that the only Step we can work perfectly was the First. The rest were going to be imperfect. I can look back and say that they were. But I know I can go back again and again one day at a time.<\/p>\n
All this has led to a happy way of life I never thought I would ever ever experience. Yet I have. A new happiness and a new freedom, as promised in these Steps. Peace of mind and serenity. Not all the time, but more and more as time goes on. I have to be aware and remember that though I try to practice this spiritual way of life in here just how imperfect I am. I’m still human and still have my faults. Especially my ego and my emotional junk. Not as bad as it used to be, but nevertheless still there.<\/p>\n
Attendance at meetings like the one today are so helpful to an alcoholic like me. I know that I cannot stay sober by myself. I’ve seen that attempted too many times and the disasters that result from most of them. Alcoholic drinking and death. If not that, insanity and unhappiness. I don’t ever want to go down that road. Once was more than enough.<\/p>\n
That stuff about beyond our wildest dreams has come true for me. And I know it all began, when I began to work that Second Step. That I never want to forget. It changed my life. I have a belief and it’s backed by hope. Then I have grown to learn about love in here. I had no real idea what that was until my sponsors and those old timers began to introduce me to the idea of working with others. And of course painfully learning how to begin to form friendships with others. Thank the God of my understanding for all of this.<\/p>\n
“Dryness” seems to be gone. I still hit bumps in the road, but all I have been given has carried me though. I’m still sober and love this way of life. And, yes, I am grateful and need to practice expressing that as often as I can. I need to thank my Higher Power and everyone else who has helped me through the years.<\/p>\n
Just thinking.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Today our meeting was on one of my favorite topics, staying sober. And the second was a dry drunk. Interesting, because they are so related. Heard a lot of good stuff from each and everyone who spoke. We even had a couple of “new” people add their stuff to these topics. It just reminded me … <\/p>\n