Feelings are both good and bad. Good, if they keep me sober. And bad, if not.
\nI was thinking about that today, because, in my mind, I was back at a recent anniversary celebration of 40 year sobriety of an old friend of mine. Really nice.<\/p>\n
But there I was in my mind, finding myself thinking about my own anniversary not that far off. I had been on and off trying to meditate, but running into things, which got in the way. Anyway, as my mind went back to my friend, I was suddenly pulled into a place where my feelings really touched me. All of a sudden I found my eyes were wet with a tear or two. I was being touched by a feeling, which I rarely go to…in my own case.<\/p>\n
I guess what it was must have been a sudden feeling of splendid happiness. All I could tell was I was being touched with two things. The first was a moment of gratitude. The next was wanting to hide. A moment of feeling not worthy of the gift I have been given. My sober life. <\/p>\n
I’m grateful that I didn’t spend a lot of time on that sad feeling. My not being of much value in terms of this gift of sobriety. But it did touch me. For a moment I didn’t want others to look at me in admiration for the length of time I have been given. I know how I admire and often respect long term members of staying sober. And that’s exactly what I didn’t want. <\/p>\n
I know I didn’t earn this sober life. I mean there I was full of alcohol most of my adult life. Not a thought about getting sober. I knew nothing about what was wrong with me. That I was an alcoholic. I knew nothing about this disease. All I knew was that I couldn’t stop drinking, no matter what. Plus, I knew nothing about this program. That it even existed. All I knew was that I had reached a point of total despair and was on my way to commit suicide. I couldn’t go on.<\/p>\n
But then that’s when a friend of mine told me about AA and staying sober. It gave me hope and I finally prayed and asked God, as I understood him, for the help I needed to stop drinking and living the life I was living. And it worked. Not me. My Higher Power.<\/p>\n
Anyway I am grateful for all I have been given. The help I have received from all the people I have met through time. People at meetings, giving me what I need to begin to know what I need to do on a daily basis. Also my old sponsor and all those old timers, who reached out and helped me to begin to change. <\/p>\n
I know I need to step back and give thanks for all I have been given and then to stay in the day and not go any further than this moment. Thanks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Feelings are both good and bad. Good, if they keep me sober. And bad, if not. I was thinking about that today, because, in my mind, I was back at a recent anniversary celebration of 40 year sobriety of an old friend of mine. Really nice. But there I was in my mind, finding myself … <\/p>\n