I was reminded, once again, about this personality change we go through in this program. Really what the “spiritual awakening” in the 12th Step is talking about. The change that allows us to stay sober.<\/p>\n
The first thing I thought about was what Bill talks about in the 12&12; the joy of living. What that means to me is that I find enjoyment in being sober. I enjoy the meetings. I enjoy being with others just like myself. I have found, over a period of time, that I really enjoy reading and thinking about sobriety. Finding things out that I really didn’t know which have helped me to stay sober. And, like the 12th Step tells us, I enjoy working with others and carrying the message of AA to them.<\/p>\n
The other things I thought about were the things I couldn’t see in my daily living. For instance, I myself couldn’t see the changes I have gone through. Others could, where I couldn’t. And often I still can’t. I’ve had people come up to me and remark on how I have changed. My reaction was to say “no, I haven’t”. Of course I never said that to them. My sponsor told me, when this happens to simply say “thank you”. That was never easy for me. Before, when people paid me a compliment, I would look down and say something like “no way. Not me.” In other words, false modesty.<\/p>\n
I think the hard evidence came to me after a few years in this program. I remember one day asking myself if I had received the promises this program proclaims in the 9th Step. I recall that I stopped and really thought about what those were. A new freedom and a new happiness.<\/p>\n
Suddenly I realized that I had them. My problem was that I didn’t recognize that for a while, because they were new to me. How could I? But there it was. My mistake was that I was always looking for what were my old ideas about freedom and happiness.<\/p>\n
I also was to learn that happiness could not be sought after in itself. It came as the result of right living. Then it occurred to me that I wasn’t living that old life I had been accustomed to in the past. I wasn’t doing all those crazy things I had done in the past. I had learned from my sponsor how to “act as if”. For example, I learned to walk away from anger and arguments. I learned to keep my mouth shut. Not perfectly, but better than ever before.<\/p>\n
The changes have been gradual, but more and more I have come to recognize them. They’re far from perfect, but that’s what I belive the program is all about. It’s a process. Spiritual progress and not spiritual perfection.<\/p>\n
There is so much I know, but often don’t feel, about these changes in my personality. The proof is in the fact that I no longer think about a drink or even want or desire a drink. The very fact that I have been sober as long as I have. All this and so much more has come about from applying the 12 Steps to my life. The help I have received from my sponsors and so many in this program. And of course from the God of my understanding. I am truly grateful for all I have received.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I was reminded, once again, about this personality change we go through in this program. Really what the “spiritual awakening” in the 12th Step is talking about. The change that allows us to stay sober. The first thing I thought about was what Bill talks about in the 12&12; the joy of living. What that … <\/p>\n