Today I was reminded, once again, of why I came to this program. May I never forget it. I didn’t come to make money, I didn’t come for a date, I didn’t come for anything else, but to get sober. I came because I couldn’t stop drinking and it was killing me and driving me insane before finishing me off.
It wasn’t long after I came, that the thought of a drink and the need was lifted from me. And, except for one incident, I have never been tempted for all these years. The promises in the BB have come true. I can truly say, I never think about a drink, no matter the circumstances. That might be great and it certainly is a relief and a turnaround from where I came from, but…is that good? Not thinking about a drink?
My conclusion is that I better think about a drink. I better be aware that I’m not cured. Like the BB says, we have but a daily reprieve. I’m like the woman who got shot and recovered. She still wasn’t bulletproof. I would think that she would live her life fully aware of the fact that she just might get shot again, if she wasn’t careful. Me, too. If I’m not aware that
alcohol is present all around me and I’m still as powerless over it as the day I walked in, then I’m just setting myself up.
What could ever convince me that I would never drink again? Just because the thought of a drink is not present doesn’t prove that. How many friends of mine, who went back out could claim the same thing before they drank. I don’t know how many people I knew who drank after going to a meeting? These same people went on a regular basis. I don’t know what they were thinking or what was going on in their lives before they drank, but I can bet that no one else did either.
At the meeting today, the subject was presented from a man, who said his sponsor had told him to bring up the topic.
The man said that he had lost a big account, consequently lost his job, had lost a good friend, and lost his girl friend.
The first thing that came to mind was what Bill says in the BB. As long as we place our dependency on others before a dependency on God, just so long a working faith is not possible.
I don’t know how close that man was to a drink, but I can guess, too close, even though he said he didn’t think about a drink. But at least his sponsor knew what he was thinking and knew the circumstances. Bill said that when circumstances failed him and people let him down, he would slip into a depression. HIs answer to that was to ask God to relieve him of his faulty dependencies. He was placing a dependence on someone or something else before God.
And then he would go and work with someone else.
How I need to hear this stuff and to remember where I came from and that I can return to that place, if I forget. At least that’s what I think.