Today, I was thinking once more, what it is that helps me stay sober a day at a time. In fact, I’ve been running this through my mind for a number of days. The thought that “Having had a spritual awakening, as the result of these steps” kept pushing its way into my thoughts. What does that mean to me and how do I know that I’ve experienced such an awakening? A friend of mine and I talk about this often.
We talk about the results of that awakening. A profound change in personality. When I get up each day I have been sober, I don’t always feel all that different. I know my thinking has changed. It began with a change in attitude. I had a bad attitude when I came in and today my attitude is more positive. I don’t see the world the same way as I used to. That’s one sign I see about my personality.
Another change I see is the way I think. Where once I dwelt so much on the past and the future, my mind is more focused on this day. More and more a day at a time is becoming part of my way of life. I worry and fret less and less and my mind and heart are more at peace.
Also, my thoughts are more simple than they were once. I used to analyze everything and tear ideas apart and down. Part of that negativity about me. Now my mind is less into the process of destruction of what has been so freely presented to me. Where once I questioned everything, I now am more accepting and willing to try all which is designed to help me stay sober and to grow along spiritual lines.
More importantly is what I have been able to leave behind and of which I have been able to release the grip I once held onto for dear life. My anger, frustrations, my resentments. All of this has been accomplished, not so much from my unaided efforts, but from my higher power and the people in this program, who have been so willing to assist me. All I have needed is to be willing to follow the directions of others.
This is really an expression of gratitude. How much I have been helped. But it’s also a testament to the effectiveness of the steps in my life. The twelfth step tells us that having had this spiritual awakening we’re to give it away. Hopefully I’m doing that by telling others this.