I was reminded today by a young man, who had just received disappointing news. He had just been turned away from what he had been working to do and back on the streets again. He said that he had learned to worry only about things he could control. He said that if he couldn’t control whatever he didn’t worry about that. He also added that he had learned to change his attitude and his focus each and everyday and this is what he would worry about. Almost sounds like what I think.
What I can control and what I can’t. What I need to worry about and what I shouldn’t. And changing my attitude and spending time on my focus each and everyday. That’s exactly what they taught me in here. That’s what my sponsor told me that I didn’t know and I needed to learn. And as he and others pointed out to me I only had to do this a day at a time. Not the day before and not the day after. But this day.
And all this brought me right back to thinking about why I am here in the first place. I’m here like others to never drink again. To stay sober and grow along spiritual lines using this program and depending on my Higher Power. To always have a positive attitude and if not to stop and change my day. To pray and ask for help and then with the help of my Higher Power, and perhaps another person like myself, to turn things around and only focus on what I can do and not what I can’t.
I know that no matter how well I think I’m doing in here I need to remember who and what I am and not what I’m not. I’m a chronic alcoholic, who has been blessed with sobriety and the opportunity to stay sober a day at a time. I need to remember to do what I’ve learned in here and that’s to put this program into practice in my life. To remember that the spiritual life is not a theory and I have to put it into practice by living it each and everyday to the best of my ability. And that I may be very conscious one day and only in the background the next. That’s why I need to stay focused and to do the best I can each and everyday.
I know I am still human and often subject to weaknesses. My old faults can pop up from time to time and I can find myself stumbling and fumbling and bumbling in here. I know I need to then pray and ask for the help I need to get back on track. And then do the next right thing. I’m never surprised when I do, but I need to stop and change my mind and my focus as soon as possible. I didn’t come here to fall into these defects. I know I’ve changed, but I can still lose my focus and get pulled back by my emotions into a negative attitude. And I know I don’t want to go there, because I never want to fall back into drinking again.
I know I can help myself by staying focused on the fact that I’m the number one person in my sobriety. That’s because I need to remember no one but myself can stay sober for me. If I forget that I’m headed for trouble. I also know that meetings are important for me, because I need to be reminded of what I can so easily forget. I also need all the help I can get. But there are another twenty-three hours in the day and I have to try to keep my focus on my sobriety. And I know there are other ways to stay in contact with people like myself.
I also know that there’s always the BB and the 12&12 and other literature I can stop and read. I also know that I need to stop and ask through prayer my Higher Power for the help and strength I need to do this day. And I also know that I need to at least try to practice meditation. To lean back and let the God of my understanding touch this mind of mine and help me to continue to change. The Eleventh Step. And then to stay open and available to reach out to others and do what was so freely done for me. That Twelfth Step, where I can give to another alcoholic like myself, what they so often need. Compassion and love to help them get sober or stay sober. To help them get relief from their suffering. I know I was and need to always remember that.
Anyway, after reading that young man’s story and his words I was reminded about what I’m supposed to be doing in here a day at a time. Makes me grateful that he said what he said and helped me to stop and think about staying sober one more day.