One of the things running through my mind today was honesty. The capacity to be honest. The fifth chapter, How It Works, begins with that. I know exactly what that opening paragraph is all about, because when I came in I was wrapped up in me. Dishonest. At least ignorant at the very least.
I had to learn the hard way to become open and honest. I had to be told by my old sponsor and those old timers what it was I had to do. I had to be told to shut up! I didn’t know what I was talking about. When I heard that something inside of me told me I was hearing what I needed to hear. I had no idea where that came from, but it was a beginning.
And of course I had to learn that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. That too came across in a way that made me back up and listen. That’s when I began to become open and listen to those who knew what this program is about and how to stay sober a day at a time.
I was thinking about this today, as I sat behind a man, who had just come into this program the day before. I had spoken to him along with others the day before. And all I talked to him about was getting ready to become honest. And earlier today the same thing.
When I became open to the thought of changing and becoming honest, I started to begin to clear some of these blocks within me, which were holding me back. And I learned as I went on that I needed desperately to begin to deflate my ego. To get out of my own way and become open to this way of life. Thankfully my sponsors and those old timers knew about ego deflation in depth and did not hesitate to trim my ego down to size. I am grateful for that.
Anyway I just needed to talk to others today about this. I heard a lot of good things and listened to some share their thoughts on how they needed to change. A great reminder to me of why I am here. To stay sober a day at a time. To get out of my own way and help others like I was helped. What was so freely given to me I need to freely give to others like me. Alcoholics.