I don’t think the conversation today was anything new. A friend of mine said he wanted to talk about how things work. I told him that we’re not the Higher Power. He can dig all he wants, but how sobriety works is not going to be available to us.
I thought about it then and after wards. This is nothing new. It’s mostly about control. There’s something in us which wants to know ahead of time what God’s will is for us. We want to know this and we want to know that. In the long term we can drive ourselves crazy trying to figure things out.
Getting honest about what it is inside of us which drives us to such kind of thinking is often difficult. But the bottom line is our egos. We have such huge egos in this program that old timers used to work on deflating egos like mine. I admired them for it, because it was what I needed. Today we rarely do that, because we seem to worry about the sensitivity of people like ourselves.
But I learned back then that we need to examine ourselves, our Tenth Step. Whenever we’re disturbed there is something wrong with us. We have to be able to dig and find out what that is. And then we need to get open and share that with a sponsor or someone with time in this program.
It’s kind of what has caused trouble with alcoholics going back out and drinking again. It usually seems to be the problem alcoholics have of admitting their inner pain problems, which led to stopping drinking. Not necessarily getting sober. That was something Bill and others knew was necessary. To get honest and admit what really drove us to stopping drinking. Not to come into the program and not wanting others to think we’re weak. Not to admit that we were suffering despair, self pity, resentment, anger, and a whole lot more. Instead acting as if we’re in charge and tough to say the least.
Anyway acceptance is often a difficult subject for some of us. But we need to learn how to surrender and accept and be open about it. I’m just another alcoholic. Not all that special. I found that out the hard way, when I first got sober. Like I said those old timers knew how to deflate the egos of people like me. Again thanks. It opened my mind and my life and helped me to stay sober.
Once again stopping to think about what is so important to this alcoholic. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. Never want to forget that. It’s my primary purpose. I know I need to surrender and ask my Higher Power to help me to stay sober. To be grateful for all I have been given. Thanks.