Today was one of those days, which took me back to my days early on in this program once again. This time there were two people, extremely early on, who have no idea what sobriety is about and who really were lying. I could remember way back when they would have been told to shut up by old timers. Told to open their ears and listen. I can remember that one old timer, who told me I knew how to drink but I didn’t know how to stay sober. How right he was.
Also there was a young man right there in front of me at his first meeting. The minute he turned to listen to someone in our row I caught that look in his eyes. Confusion and desperation. That told me an awful lot about him. After the meeting I went up to him and pointed out the perfect sponsor for him and he went right over to him and began talking. That told me an awful lot.
One of the things I could see in his eyes was what was in me at the beginning. Pain. It was so clear. That confusion and desperation. I was just like that back then in my beginning. Thankfully those old timers and my second sponsor, the one who became my old sponsor, never hesitated to open me up and show me how this program works. And I could remember how tough it was in the beginning. I wanted to make sure that this young man had someone who could see him through the hard times.
But what I could see, as he talked to the sober man, was his desperation and possibly his getting honest. And that was the key I was hoping for him, as the conversation went on. It was a tough time for me back then. Getting honest. Not pretending I was something else. I had to be able to show my chronic alcoholism and the pain within. Not lie. That I learned was what was part of the key, which would open the door for me to get sober. And it did.
Anyway, I thought about this as I was sitting here looking back through the day. And, as always, it brings up the reason I am here in the first place always. To stay sober a day at a time. Also to realize I cannot do this alone. I need the help of my Higher Power and from alcoholics, who are sober, like myself. I couldn’t help but think, like some others today, who talked about the peace and happiness they have found in this program. I am always amazed at all I have been given in here. Makes me grateful.