In the Fifth Chapter, How It Works, there’s a couple of paragraphs, which talks about a man, who wants to be in control. Wants to be director, actor, star, and everything else and have everyone acting, supporting, applauding and all else. That came up today. The Second and Third Steps.
Of course that person described in that section is probably everyone in here. Wanting to be in control. And then, over time, learning to let go and step back and just be one of us. Not always easy. I have a good friend, who, when it comes to this, tells how he learned he needed to get out of the driver’s seat and go to the back of the bus.
Of course that does bring up putting that Fifth Chapter into action. Beginning to work this program. Wasn’t easy for a chronic alcoholic like myself. I came here thinking I knew what to do. And, of course, like a lot of us in here, I had to learn how to back off and begin to listen and learn what it was I needed to do and how to do it.
By the time I finally reached the Third Step I was mentally thinking I intellectually knew how to do things. All I needed to do was to stop and figure things out. I was almost paralyzed. And, I know that I often go through this story within me. How I went to a meeting one night and found it was on the Third Step. And I’m sitting there listening, but still resisting. And then one woman asked her sponsor what God’s will was for her. And, of course, she said the other nine Steps.
And that opened the door for me. I knew by that time I was not in control. I still had to learn, but now the door to this program was open to this alcoholic and I slowly began to move ahead. And, as we all learn, time takes time. When I see others rushing ahead, all I can do is to pay attention to what I’m doing. The Serenity Prayer tells me that I can’t change others…unless they want to change and are open to it.
And still not in control, I know the rest of that prayer tells me to change the things I can. And what can I change? Me. But it tells me that I need to have the wisdom to do it. And that means, am I supposed to change, and when? And that’s what sponsors and others in here, along with being open to my Higher Power, can help. Sometimes I need to just back off and be quiet.
Yet that Fifth Chapter has something else in there I need to pay attention to. And that’s the reality I have to face in here. I’m still human. My mental, emotional, and spiritual life are going to often get in my way. That’s because I’m still human and not a saint. I may be able to stay sober a day at a time, but as long as I’m sober and living this life there are going to be times when I’m going to stumble over my faults and my defects.
That’s when I need to go to meetings and listen. To talk to others and get the help I need. To learn to settle down and come to peace with myself. To do whatever I need to do and then continue to put this program into action in my life. To ask my Higher Power for the help I need. And like my sponsor told me, to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on keeping on. And I do.
Anyway I’m no longer surprised that my humanness gets in my way. It’s natural I now know and believe. And I’m grateful for all that I’m still learning in here. And part of that is to stop each day and remind myself of why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. And part of what I need to do is to be grateful for all I have been given. I need to stop and thank the God of my understanding, and all those, who have freely given to me and helped me to stay sober and grow along spiritual lines.