One of the things I was thinking about today was the effect I see of emotions on others. And of course what it was like for me early on. Of course that brings up what they are all about and how they effect sobriety and spiritual way of life.
One of the things I had to understand, because I came into this program back when the old timers would talk about putting the I over E. Intellect over emotions. I can remember how I would get told that I had to learn how to begin to control these negative emotions and the effects which they could have on my life.
The source of all these emotions are mainly from the past, I found out. Even Bill W., when he was writing the 12&12 talked about this. How we could deeply harm ourselves with these emotions. He states very deep emotional conflicts, which we have forgotten, lie beneath the surface of our inner selves. He says that they can discolor our personalities and damage us in the worst ways. How true. (8th Step).
Anyway I was told by spiritual studies and some psychology about the unconscious mind. Things which happened to us way, way back in our lives. Quite forgotten and not able to be discovered by us or psychiatrists. And when someone does something which reminds our emotions of those moments, they rush to the surface in us and take over.
So someone can say or do something, which may have nothing personal to do with us, and our negative emotions rush to the surface and take over our thinking and our actions. Anger, self pity, fear, resentments, and more, have us in their grip.
I learned in here from my sponsor and old timers, and reading and listening to experts in the field that there is a mental and spiritual answer, which can help change me. And I found that instant prayer, the moment this stuff rises to the surface, can begin to change me over time. To become aware that often it has nothing to do with those we want to blame. It’s just stuff which has come and gone.
Anyway I was thinking about this today, after talking to others about this. A reminder to me why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. I know that all of this is based on the spiritual way of life we are trying to live in here. And I know I have been given what I need to deal with this kind of stuff. Is it perfect? No. That’s because I’m a human being and not a saint.
Anyway I am grateful for all I have been given. Thanks.