From time to time I find myself drawn back to the 12&12 and the Eleventh Step. And, of course for me, I find myself rereading the prayer of St. Francis.
The reason I need to do that, I find, is that it covers what I know I need to be seeking in this program. Attempting to lead a spiritual life in here. Like the Ninth Step tells me in the BB: the spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.
And, of course, the thoughts in that prayer focus on what I have read and learned in here. In that Twelfth Step, I know I need to be trying to pass along love, hope, faith and much more. Can I? Do I? Good questions.
There’s no question that my intentions are to help someone like me get sober and hopefully live a sober life in here. I really don’t think I’m always conscious of seeking to pass these virtues on. But I do believe that I’m really doing what I learned in here. And that’s doing the best I can in carrying the AA message.
Of course there is another side to this Twelfth Step. And that is when I know I need to seek to help an older member in here, who is suffering and needs the support to change whatever is going on. In that I know that, if I back off and review it, I’m definitely passing on hope, faith, and love. Even light into the darkness.
Anyway, I found my mind wandering and I knew I needed to sit and focus on a few moments of trying to improve my conscious contact with my Higher Power. And I have discovered over time that I often need to write in order to stay focused on my thoughts. Otherwise I can always find that my mind wants to wander off and that sitting in silence and writing my thoughts holds them in place.
Of course I was thinking about why I am here. And that is to stay sober a day at a time. And the spiritual way of life I know I need to live is the foundation of this life. Just stopping and thinking about that pulls me into what I know I need to be doing. And the opportunity I have been given makes me grateful. Never want to forget that. I know I owe my thanks to my Higher Power for the gifts I have been given in here, and the support of my fellow alcoholics, which I receive in here. Hopefully I can say my “thanks”, when I pass what I have learned in here along to others like myself.