When I came into this program, one of the hardest things for me to do was to accept. We talked about acceptance today.
It took quite a while for me to begin to accept anything. Especially this program. Of course, accepting a spiritual way of life was almost impossible for me. But my old sponsor was the man, who opened the door for me. He got me to accept that Second Step, and that’s what did it.
The Second Step got me to come to believe in a Power greater than myself. I had already been given hope, which got me to surrender to that First Step, even though I knew nothing about the Steps. I gave up when it came to being over powered by alcohol. I had learned to hope by the man, who told me there was a place where men and women stayed sober together, and he would take me there. That got me to finally say a prayer, which changed everything in my life.
Then, when I got here, I heard the stories of men and women, who were sober and that impressed me. But I still didn’t accept what was going on. I just went to meetings and didn’t really listen. That was until one meeting, in which I had been called on and was talking. All of a sudden an old timer yelled at me to “Shut up!”. I got angry at him, but then just as soon as I did, it went away. Something within me told me that this was good for me, and somehow I accepted that.
Shortly after that my old sponsor told me that I needed to listen to learn, because I didn’t know. He also told me that I didn’t need to read the BB. I had to study it. And all of that began to slowly teach me acceptance. I found out that I needed to learn discipline, if I wanted to begin to learn acceptance.
On top of that I learned that I needed humility. I had none. That was because I had an ego the size of this planet. And I learned to be grateful for my sponsor and those old timers, who knew how to deflate egos like my own.
All of this took time. I learned that this was not an overnight event. I also found out that I would have to develop patience. The changes I needed in my life were to come into me slowly. I was going to have to learn how to get over my stumbling and bumbling in here. But over time things began to change within me. And I am grateful for that.
I began to learn how to persevere and grow in hope. Then I had to grab onto faith and not let go. Eventually, as these Steps came into me, I reached the Twelfth Step and began to learn to love and persevere in that also.
Anyway I had some gratitude for the meeting today. It reminded me of my need to focus on why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. I know I need to thank my Higher Power for all the gifts I have been given in here. The same thing I need to do to all those in here, who have helped me to grow in my sober life.