One of the things, which never occurred to me, when I came in, was the notion of changing. In fact I was convinced, I believe, that I was in control of my staying sober and I didn’t need anyone to tell me what I needed to do.
That was pretty much my alcoholic thinking. I wasn’t drinking or thinking of a drink, but I might as well have been drunk, with my state of mind. I always go back and think of how immature I was back then. I had never really matured. Never grew up, even though I was in my forties, married, and with children. In fact I always thought of myself, later on, as one of the children.
But changes in my life came about as the result of the efforts of my old sponsor and those old timers back then. They had the wisdom I lacked. They knew what they had to do to help alcoholics like me to not only get sober, but to change and to stay sober. And that included the deflation of egos, like mine, in depth. I have always been grateful to them for their dedication to help alcoholics like me to stay sober.
Anyway, it was my old sponsor and his insistence that I read and study the Fourth Chapter in the BB, and take the necessary action to put the Second Step into my life. To start to live a spiritual life.
The first change in my life, was prayer. I prayed and begged the God of my understanding to stop me from drinking alcohol. I surrendered to the First Step, even though I knew nothing about it or the program. AA and alcoholism were out of my knowledge. But that was going to change. And it did.
So the Second Step opened the Program to me. And I faced what I needed… more changes. Not an overnight event. Like I was told, time takes time. A long time. But the encouragement of my sponsor and those old timers kept me going. Like I was told, I didn’t know I didn’t know. I only thought I did. I had to begin to grow up.
I was freely given what I needed, and that changed me, so that I too can now freely give what was freely given to me, to suffering alcoholics. And I changed so that I can accept the Serenity Prayer and accept the things I cannot change. I just need to do what is in front of me.
Anyway I was once again thinking about what I need to do to stay sober a day at a time. To practice this program and continue to change. I still have this disease, though I never drink alcohol. I am grateful for what I have been given by my Higher Power and all those alcoholics in recovery in here, which has helped me to change and stay sober. Thanks.