One of the things in this program, which is difficult to ignore is our defects. We’ve been stumbling over them most of our lives. And they have brought us trouble over and over again. Now we are to list them and try to get rid of them.
And that’s where I made a discovery, which is that we all run into in here. No matter how hard we strive, we keep running into these again and again. Why is that? And the answer is most reasonable. It’s because, as the BB tells us, we are not saints. We’re still human beings with this disease of alcoholism.
My sponsor and those old timers kept telling me what I needed to hear in here. That I was going to stumble over these the rest of my life. I was told I had to learn to pick myself up, dust myself off, and to keep on keeping on. And to keep trying to change and improve.
One of the things I could do, I learned, was to stop my day and start it over again. And why was I to do that? I had to learn how to deal with the negative emotions within me. I was told to, if possible, to take a deep breath, step aside, pray, ask for help, and then change my attitude from negative to positive.
Once again I had heard what I needed about these emotions hidden within me. I had to learn to put the Tenth Step into action. That whenever I was disturbed there was something wrong with me, not someone else. Often it was the result of these negative emotions, which would take over. Anger, resentments, fear, anxiety, self pity, and more. Projections into the future, as well as rehashing the past.
I had to learn how to put this spiritual life into my life each and everyday. To ask for the help I need from my Higher Power. The Eleventh Step. And then, if possible, in meetings or outside, to try to practice the Twelfth Step, the Fifth Tradition. To learn to talk and share with others and then listen. To read and practice the literature in here.
And to continue to get the help I need by remembering to practice what I need to each and everyday. And that is to remind myself that I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. That I need to stay in the moment. Not to spend time in my past and never go into the future. I’m right here, where I am at the moment.
I also need to learn that I’m not to find myself surprised, when I trip myself up. Like I learned; I’m a human being. I just need to practice prayer and meditation. I have to remember to stay grateful for all I have been given. To continue to go to meetings and share and listen. I have to remember that I cannot do this alone. Finally I need to continue to practice gratitude for all I have been given.