Who am I? Good question. It’s what a friend of mine and I were kind of talking about today. Made me go to several people, who are my “idols”. One is Bill W., the other a spiritual monk. Neither could come up with the answer.
Who I am is an alcoholic. That I know and am sure of. But, beyond that, I have no idea. I know what I do, what I have done, and what it is I’m trying to do today. And the bottom line is to stay sober a day at a time.
But beyond just being a human being, with all the faults and stuff we human beings have, I have no idea. I’m not that “director” in the BB. I know I once tried being that, and sometimes can get pulled back into that kind of thing.
No, I’m not the leader, or something special. I’ve had to let go of that kind of egomania. Thanks to my sponsor and those old timers. But the only answer I have is that I’m just another drunk, trying to stay sober a day at a time. Trying to get well and change and do the right thing. Trying to grow along spiritual lines. Not always sure of that, but am sure that most of the time I am trying to grow along spiritual lines. I’m trying to apply to my life those things I was given. Hope, faith, and love.
Of course freedom from drinking alcohol. The spiritual awakening, as a result of surrendering to that First Step. Next the Second Step and getting restored to sanity. And then that Third Step. Turning things over to my Higher Power and moving on in the rest of these Steps. Changing. Acquiring things I need to do, like amends and praying and meditating. And finally freely giving what was freely given to me, the Twelfth Step.
And at the end of each day being grateful that I haven’t had to take a drink of alcohol. Doing this a day at a time. The new freedom and new happiness in the Ninth step. All the Promises. And mingling with others like myself and getting the support and help I need.
Anyway I was on the phone with others like myself and talking to them earlier. I heard what I needed to hear and was able to share some things I have learned in here. Amazing to say the least. I know that I need to do this each and everyday. To stay sober and stay in the day and do what I need to do. Not the past nor the future. Just now. And like I’m thinking, I need to be grateful for all I have been given. Grateful to my Higher Power and all those who have helped me.