I was thinking today about some of the difficulties I found I needed to help me stay sober a day at a time. The one that jumped up into my mind was developing a positive attitude. Within me that was a real struggle.
I had such negative thinking, as a result of my drinking. Part of that was to some extent, because I could not stop drinking no matter what. I knew nothing about alcoholism and definitely did not know anything about this program. So, when I came into the program all the negative thinking and acting was definitely within.
However, when I began to learn that I had to remember that I had to stay focused on staying sober a day at a time, I had to reverse the process within me. I had to get rid of the negative inside and replace it with the positive. And that’s when I began to listen to that old timer, who told us that we had to begin to change our attitudes. That our attitudes were what could help change us.
I began to become willing to develop a positive attitude and rid myself of negative attitudes. And that meant that I had to become aware of the effect negative emotions had on me. Of course that’s where the fact that I had surrendered to the First Step, and had come to accept the Second Step in my life, that the door began to open within me, and I wanted to change.
The spiritual life is what really began to change me. I had already been introduced to hope. Now I was going to have to become open to faith. Not only that, I learned that I had to develop perseverance to these two, plus love. The result was that I slowly began to turn my life around.
Of course these Steps in here were part of the process. The others were the sober people within here, who definitely had experience and could show and help me. Part of that was cutting me ego down to size. I found out from my sponsor that I really didn’t know that I didn’t know. I finally became aware that I had an awful lot to learn. And I could see the examples of those within here and they showed me what I had to do.
Now, when I find myself drifting into the negative thinking and acting, I know I can stop my day and start it over again. Going from the negative into the positive. I have learned to laugh at what I once thought was negative. Today was a good example. I definitely thought I needed to go to a meeting, but I couldn’t get a ride. Yet, when I talked to those, who could not help me, I turned all of this into good humor and we ended up laughing.
The Third Step prayer and the Serenity Prayer are right there, I have discovered over time. And all this does take time. Can’t turn ones life around over night. I know I couldn’t and didn’t. Like I learned in here, time takes time. But I’m glad and I am grateful.
Today I am aware that my primary purpose is to stay sober this day. And the fact that I have been able to do this over time is a miracle for me. I need to say thanks to my Higher Power and all those, who have given me what I have needed in here.