After reading about Bill W. meeting Fr. Dowling, and how the two of them shared spiritual things, I had to back off and sit and think about all of this. This was in the book “Not God”, Ernest Kuntz’s book on the history of AA.
I was particularly struck by Dowling’s response to Bill about satisfaction. He told Bill the answer was, No. Never. That stopped me right there.
It’s not that I consciously walk around looking for satisfaction, but I do believe that somehow I am after it. And yet Bill was told he would never achieve it, and would always be seeking it, but never finding it. Bill changed at that moment. It turned his spiritual life around. And Bill and Fr. Dowling became friends the rest of their lives.
My thoughts on this seem to be in the process of change. I know I had to back off and be quiet. I had never been thinking I was very spiritual. I never thought I had a conscious contact with the God of my understanding. All this, even though I had been given so many gifts in here, which saved and changed my life.
I had gotten sober and still am. I surrendered and I was given a spiritual awakening. Even though I never knew about any of this at the time, it occurred. I was freed of the power alcohol had over me.
Shortly after this I was introduced into the Second Step by my sponsor. I was launched into a spiritual way of life and the rest of this program. And my life has changed. I had my sanity restored, especially after the Ninth Step. I was also blessed with the Promises.
Anyway, I am still in process with what I had read. It reinforced my commitment to focus on my staying sober a day at a time. It also reminded me of what it is I know I need daily in here. Hope, faith, and love, for instance. And also gratitude. A need to say thanks to my Higher Power, and all those who are sober and have helped me along the way.
More to be revealed I think. For now I will let it go.