Sometimes I find I have to back off and think about this way of life. How over time it has changed this alcoholic and continues to do so, even when I find it surprises me.
Part of that was going on in the meeting today, but I spent a lot of time this morning and after the meeting talking to another alcoholic. I had to go back and see what growth was like overtime in this program. Some of that came up in the meeting. People find themselves having to make the changes we need in here, if we are going to stay sober.
I know I had to find myself being dragged through this program in the beginning. I mean I had made up my mind I never ever wanted to drink alcohol again. My problem was my twisted mind and ego. I was, as I was told, immature, insecure, and oversensitive. And, as I learned, I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did.
As I began to learn all of this stuff, I found my way into a spiritual way of life through that Second Step. And, of course, the Third Step. And it was these Steps which began to open me up to the rest of these Steps. And that’s what often reminds me of how all these changes began to occur in my life.
My friend and I went through some of the changes in here, which began to turn us around. And all of these relate to growth along spiritual lines. We both were talking about our spiritual relationships. Not that I often think of myself as being spiritual. Too often I know just how human I am. This, even though I am aware that the spiritual life is there beneath the surface. It’s just not a conscious awareness.
All I know is that I can attest to all of this by what has happened to me in this program. What I have been given. I was definitely given a lot of spiritual gifts in here, which have helped me to stay sober and live a good life. And entirely different life than the one I brought into these rooms. I mean I look at hope, and faith, and love, which has definitely changed my life.
I also have been given what this program tells me in the Steps. A restoration to sanity, a spiritual awakening. Also the great Promises in the Ninth Step, which have helped me to change me inwardly and outwardly. I have learned from my sponsor and old timers things I needed to know in order to turn my thinking and living around. And then the thoughts and guidance in the literature of this program. Things I definitely have found, which not only changed a lot of my thinking, but action in life.
Anyway I had to stop and think about a lot of this today. Things I stop and think about and find I’m aware of. What makes me so grateful for the gifts this way of life has given me. I do know that I have to remember to thank my Higher Power and all those, who have helped me over time. I know a lot of them I don’t think are aware of what they have done to me and for me. I just hope what I hopefully do for others will express that for me.