If I ever want to see how inefficient I am in attempting to live a spiritual life in here, all I have to do is sit down and read the Prayer of St. Francis in the 12&12. I mean there are some things I can often find myself doing or thinking, but a lot more I’m not.
Today I was thinking about the people I know in this program. Some are not here anymore. They stayed sober until the end of their lives and are a great example to someone like me. But there are others I know, who could definitely need my thoughts and prayers. I try to keep up, but often fail to do so.
I guess what I’m thinking about is my ego and my humanity. My lack of sanctity. My tripping over myself a day at a time. I know that I fit that bracket in the BB, which tells me that I’m imperfect and will end up slipping back into my faults and defects from time to time.
However one of the great things about this program in here was always presented to me by my old sponsor, who knew well how we alcoholics are, who are trying to stay sober. At least he knew about someone like me. And he would always tell me that I’m to always stay right where I am. Not to go into the future, but to stay in the now. And when I found myself tripping over myself, I was to pick myself up and dust myself off and keep on keeping on. In other words the Tenth Step, the Eleventh, and of course the Twelfth.
This is pretty much what I was thinking about this evening. It also reminded me to remember that I’m here to stay sober this day. And to remember how well I’ve been treated since I came here. How many gifts I have been given through the spirituality of this program. I may not be any place near a good spiritual life, but I can’t help but be grateful. I need to thank my Higher Power and all those in here, who have helped me through all of this time. Thanks.