Being powerless is one thing, it’s another to not only recognize it, but to be honest enough to admit it. Too often I have seen in the past others who have failed to understand what was being said to them. That’s because they thought they knew what was going on and didn’t want to hear what the program was trying to tell them. That is the people in this program, who had gone through the same thing and had gotten sober.
It’s difficult, I know, to talk about that word “honesty” to others early on in their entrance into this program. Or their only meeting. The first one. Those of us, who have suffered some of the same stuff in the beginning understand what is going on. But it’s difficult to reach within the new person, especially if they don’t want to hear it.
I know from my own experience, even though I had already surrendered to being a slave to alcohol and had been freed, I still had no idea about alcoholism or this program. So I came in and identified with some of the stories I heard in the first meeting. I also identified with the concept of staying sober and never wanting to ever drink alcohol again. But I had a long way to go.
Like so many like myself, I learned that I thought I knew all I needed to know and was willing to go to meetings, but that was about all. Finally I ran into the old timers in here and began to hear what I needed to hear. Back in those days before rehabs, these men were not tied up in fear of hurting the feelings of people like myself. They never hesitated in telling drunks like me to “shut up!”. I learned that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did.
I was totally unaware that I had a huge ego and wanted to run and control everything. I never realized it was running and ruining my life. I learned that I needed to have this enormous ego deflated and cut down to size so that I could back up and begin to hear the truth.
I never want to forget the courage of these men and their willingness to help this stupid idiot. Because of them I learned how to grow up for the first time in my life and to learn how to live a way of life I so desperately needed.
That’s why I have always loved my old sponsor, who knew about people like myself. He’s the one who opened the door to the spiritual life I so desperately needed, by introducing me to the Second Step, which opened me to this program and changed my life for the better.
Anyway I was thinking about this today. Just another reminder to me of why I am here in the first place. To stay sober a day at a time. Today and not tomorrow or last week. Just now. That was taught to me and I also learned to become dependent on my Higher Power. To have not only hope, but faith, and hopefully the love, not just for the God of my understanding, but all those in this program, who have helped me to stay sober. To have the gratitude I need to give to my Higher Power, my old sponsor, and all those, who have loved me in return and helped me along this road over time.