Going to the Twelfth Step in the 12&12 is a wake up call for someone like me. One of the gifts of this Step is love. When I looked at that I had to stop and think.
When I came into this program that word “love” was gone from my life. Alcohol and its effect on me took love out of my life. I was filled with all kinds of negative emotions. Nothing good for sure. No honesty or anything like that. And love was absent in me. Lots of anger.
So, when I was introduced to this program I felt lost inside. I was convinced that I never wanted to drink again. Somehow I thought I could figure out how I was going to do that. Like my sponsor said to me, when we met, that I didn’t know that I didn’t know, I only thought I did. He was right. That was a wake up call. I was about to be introduced to a new way of life. A return to peace, honesty, and love.
I had already surrendered to that First Step, which I really knew nothing about. All I did was what anyone like myself, who knew nothing about the alcoholism and AA, could do. I was in despair and on my way to suicide, when a friend of mine, who had been told something about this program, came and told me enough to give me hope. That turned me into praying to God, as I understood Him, begging to be freed of the hold alcohol had on me. I promised Him I would not only let go of alcohol, as well as my way of life. And I woke up freed of alcohol the next day. It really has never truly been in my life since.
And then my sponsor told me not to read the BB. He told me that I was to study it. As difficult as that was early on, at least I started to try. And that’s when he got me to read Chapter 4, Step Two. The start of the spiritual way of life and acquiring a Higher Power. It opened the door to a new way of life for this alcoholic. And that was followed by the Third Step, where I learned it would introduce me to the next nine Steps. The rest of this program.
Those first three Steps were the beginning of a whole new way of life. The restoration to sanity and the spiritual awakening. Then prayer and meditation. Certainly a life of peace and happiness I had never known before. A life made up of hope, faith, and love. And that love was something I found I needed to give others like myself, who were looking for freedom from alcohol, like I had been given. I was able to witness this in those old timers in here, who were freely giving to me and others like myself. I learned from them that I was to freely give this to others like myself.
Anyway I had to stop and think about the gift of love I had received and found that, if I wanted to keep this, I would have to do what was done for me. To give this gift to others. And that came as part of what I learned I needed, if I wanted to stay sober. And, each day, when I get up, I know I am to stay sober this day. And part of that is to be sure to be open to help others like myself. I hope I will always be open to this the rest of my life. Talk about the gift of gratitude in my life, it is amazing. I am so thankful. My Higher Power, this program, and all the people in it, who have given so much to me, are all I need to express my gratitude to, through putting this program into action. Especially in reaching out to others.