Once again I opened the 12&12 and read the Tenth Step. For most of us I think this is a very important Step. That’s because, no matter how spiritual we may think we’ve grown, or wished to, we are still human. Like my sponsor and those old timers used to point out to me, no matter how well I may think I’m doing, I’m still going to go back and trip over my old defects from time to time. And this will go on until the end. I have a disease still, even though I may feel “cured” because the desire for alcohol has been suspended. The truth is that the disease is still here, until the end of my life, And then I will be cured.
And that means that the Tenth Step can come up as the result of my tripping over my defects. I may start my day by praying and dedicating myself to staying sober a day at a time. What I do in trying to remain close to my Higher Power, and to put this program into action, I still will trip. Like the BB tells us, we are human alcoholics. We are not saints. Exactly pretty much what my old sponsor and some of those old timers would tell me. I may think I’m doing okay, but sometimes I will seem to wander off and stumble over my defects.
When that happens I have to pull myself up short and take a look at my thoughts and sometimes my actions. I may have to take an inventory and work to correct what’s wrong with me. Usually it has to do with my emotions. All negative. Hopefully I will have avoided, in my trip up, going into reactions with others. Maybe yes and maybe no. But I know I can often deal with this myself. However, in any case, I may have to share whatever it is with a sponsor or a member I am close to.
In reading Step Ten it talks about self- restraint. Not something I can depend upon. One of those old “time takes time” phases in my life. I know it’s do-able, but often not there, when I need it. The Tenth Step talks about this. Worth reading I can say.
We were talking about the Sixth and Seventh Steps today. Our defects. But in doing so, a few of us said the same thing about how we can wander off and stumble over our defects. Why? Because we’re human. Again, not saints. We hopefully might be getting better, but we still will find that we have difficulties.
Anyway I had to stop and think about all of this. That’s because I am reminded of why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. The results are that I am grateful for what this program has given me. And, of course, much of that was it opened the door to my Higher Power, whom I know I need to continue to help me stay sober. And, once again, the help I have also received from my old sponsor, and everyone else in here, who have also helped me to continue to remain sober and to change for the better. Part of that Tenth Step.