I always think of “humus” as earth. Dirt, maybe. That’s what always comes to mind, when we talk about humility. Down to earth, so to speak. My thoughts.
We were talking about humility today. I know for myself that I never think of myself as reaching humility. I was told, when I came in, that alcoholics had these huge, super egos. And the old timers opened the door for us to go through ego deflation in depth. Cutting us down to size, where we could experience some humility. But, even though we went through this all the time, like others like myself, we never really felt humble.
Not that we didn’t go through all of this, but our “super egos”, are always around it seems. My staying sober a day at a time always takes me back to thinking about our ego deflating by old timers. Makes me grateful that they were there to help us to begin to change. I know that when I came in, I was totally self centered.
However the old timers could get our attention away from ourselves. Part of that was taking us out on Twelfth Step calls back then. We were no longer focused on us. The new individual was the center of our attention. Then we were also being introduced to the Second Step and approaching growing along spiritual lines. Developing hope and faith in a Power Greater than us. And then moving along into the other Steps.
Yet along the way my old defects and emotions could pull me back into myself. My selfishness, anger, anxiety, resentments, could trip me up along the way. That’s when I had to learn to bring my Higher Power into helping me change. I began to grow along lines, where I could reduce the influence of these. Yet I know that my mind often can forget and I’ll trip up again. Not always deeply, but negatively.
Among other things I learned in here, was to change my attitudes from the negative to the positive. Part of what we learned from an old timer in here. Never want to forget that. But I was taught that I was a human being, And alcoholic, and not a saint. That my faults can pop up from time to time. I was told that these things will happen the rest of my life, right up to the end. I’m grateful I was able to learn and accept this.
However I also learned along the way that I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. Not to drift into the future, but to stay right here. To begin my day focused on right now. To always remember the reason I’m here. To stay sober from alcohol. And to be grateful that I had been given this gift. And I am. I know that I need to thank my Higher Power, the people in here, and this program. What a miracle.