We had some long talks on spirituality today. And a lot were those, who passed and listened. The reason I’m saying this is that I too passed. I guess I thought, if I spoke today, I would be throwing the teeny humility I might have away.
In fact I had thought about all of this earlier, when I woke up and prayed and stopped to meditate. I wanted to get back to that point of my first day in this program, when that old timer, stopped and read that Jan. 6 page in the 24 Hour A Day book. The first paragraph, which states the importance of never forgetting why we are here. It ends, asking the question, can we ever afford to forget this even for a minute. I have never forgotten that moment so many, many years ago. It still is there each and everyday.
What I was thinking about, as people talked, was why we are here to begin with. We’re here to stay sober each and everyday. Really nothing else. That is just the beginning. The rest is about how we do this. At least for those of us, who are in this program, is to put these Twelve Steps into action. The result is to undergo the necessary changes they bring about in us. To rid ourselves of the way of life we dragged into these rooms with us. To get rid of the ugliness, the over sized egos, the dishonesty, the anger and fear, and all those ruined relationships we had. And, of course, to begin to grow up for the first time in our lives.
On top of all of this, I still remember how much in control I wanted to have and how I needed to step back and give that up. I learned in here that my negative emotions were actually running and ruining my life. I had to learn how to get rid of them. That was what those old timers kept showing me that I needed to do. I had learn how to put my intellect over my emotions and not the reverse, which was there all the time. And gradually I did, as long as I am conscious of what it is I’m thinking and doing.
All this brought the spiritual life we’re supposed to be living in here to the surface of my mind. I had to stop and put my conscious thoughts of the God of my understanding in place. It’s one thing to say I am sober and trying to live a sober life, but that is only part of this way of life. Without spirituality, I am lost…and I think it could cost me my life, as I know it. And spirituality for me is a matter of active gratitude for me. A recognition on my part that it’s my Higher Power, who is providing me what I need in order to stay sober, and willing to give thanks through my actions. For instance the Twelfth Step and willingness to share with others, what I have learned, which has worked for me.
I know I heard some of this today and it was what I really needed. I can never forget what I was given in here by my sponsor and those old timers, this program, the Steps and Traditions. Being able to stop and live sober a day at a time, putting all of this into action within me. And then giving it to others who desperately need it. Like I said, makes me grateful.