Someone today brought up the problem they were having, and that was their suffering from “restless, irritable, and discontent”. That was the first subject, and then a fairly wise sober person brought up the subject of the First Step.
What hit me was the things I long ago learned from my old sponsor and those old timers. Not only that, but what I also learned from the BB and the 12&12, starting with the lesson we were given that we were not saints, but human alcoholics. And what hit me was that no matter what I was given in that First Step, my freedom from alcohol, I still had to struggle, from time to time, with the second part of that First Step, the “unmanageable”. Something which would pop up from time to time.
As the meeting went on, this kept coming back to me. And that was the fact of where this unmanageable section of my life came from. And that was what always got in my way from the beginning…my ego. It’s what came into this program with me, and, despite my changes through the Steps in here, every now and then, because I’m a human and not a saint, my ego becomes the head of my life from time to time.
And, even though I have been in here quite a while, because I have put these steps into action, from time to time I will stumble from the return of my egotism. My mind wandering off and tripping over my negative emotions, as my old sponsor and those old timers would point out to me. I had to learn to step back and pick myself up and dust myself off, and ask for help from my Higher Power, and sometimes those who help me also.
And, of course, the Second Step once again. My entering into the spiritual way of life, and, of course, my being able to grow into a relationship with my Higher Power. It was the beginning of change and growth in my sobriety. And then the rest of the Steps in here. Amazing…but, like they pointed out, I am not a saint, but a human alcoholic, who, from time to time, will find myself tripping up over that ego of mine…just like my old sponsor and those old timers pointed out to me.
Anyway, I had to learn something else in here, and that is the what humility is all about. Not an easy entry, but also what I have learned in here…it’s possible. Makes me grateful to my Higher Power, and all those who have taught me and helped me to step back and enter into ego deflation, based on my growing along spiritual lines.