At today’s meeting we went into the Eleventh Step. Quite good. Many spoke well and focused on the Step itself. Not wandering off.
For my part, I went into what my old sponsor and those old timers helped to set me up and change. And that was the “Eye” over the “E”…Intellect over the Emotions.
That’s what they saw in me, when I came into the program, and what they did was to help me to practice the spiritual life. The “positive over the negative”. The mind over the negative emotions, which they showed me, was running my mind, when I was drinking. And when I gave up alcohol, I brought that way of thinking into this program.
I wasn’t conscious of what I was doing. It was a habit I had developed, while drinking alcohol. And that supported the habit of drinking so much I was heavily drinking everyday. Going from noon to about 4:30 every morning. It’s what drove me into despair and my desire to commit suicide.
And when my first sponsor, who had ten years in here, and another ten year sober alcoholic, went back out to drinking again, because of their resentments, and both died, it woke me up. And that’s when I got my new sponsor, who had twenty years, who told me that “I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did.” And for some reason I knew he was right.
And over time in here, working the steps and practicing the spiritual side of this program, I learned what they were doing to help me change. And that was to get rid of my negative thinking, and to begin to grow along spiritual lines. To think positively and not negatively. And I did. Not quickly, but over time…years.
And, of course, the Eleventh Step. To depend on my Higher Power, which I have. And I owe my Higher Power so much gratitude for what I have become. And I also have to give thanks to all those old timers, including my old sponsor for what they did for me. I also have to be grateful to all those I have grown up with, who have helped me along the way. Many thanks.