One of the most changing Steps in here, at least for me, was the Second. It really woke me up and got me to start to change.
I mean, here I was trying to stay sober and needed all the help I could get. And that’s when my old sponsor got me to enter the Second Step. I found what I needed…a very spiritual life. And, moreover, a new relationship with the Higher Power for me.
It was all of this which began to open the door to my being able to stay sober a day at a time. I began to have a belief which I needed desperately. Especially my beginning to grow in faith and trusting God, as I understand Him. Not always easy, because of my wanting to believe I knew what this was all about. I still needed to grow up and to begin to clear my mind…my thinking.
All of this is what my old sponsor and those old timers knew I needed to do. That and beginning to work these Steps. I had to begin to change my thinking. I was slowly beginning to understand how “Negative Emotions” were running my mind, and thus my life. Resentments, anger, fear, dishonesty, and a whole lot more. I had to learn how to clear all of this up and to begin to grow up in my own “Intellect”.
Part of what I discovered was that I had never really grown up mentally, even though I had gone through a good education. I discovered that I was emotionally not all that way in life. And that’s where I was being given the help of not only my sponsor, but those old timers in here, who knew how to deal with my growing up and becoming mature finally. But time took time.
Anyway I began to learn how to not only grow up, but how to step back and become more logical in a sober way of life. I slowly began to start thinking like a person who was starting to live a sober life. Beginning to practice a life which was spiritual, as well as reasonable. And again, time took time. It didn’t happen overnight. I definitely had to struggle over and over again. But got help, not only from my sponsor and others like him, but my Higher Power.
I’ll stop now, and begin to think in line with something I have always needed…humility. Not always easy, but I had to learn how to step back and be quiet. To get out of the way and let others to help me to change and follow the directions I definitely needed. I am so grateful for all I have been given by my Higher Power, and all these helpful alcoholics, who have taught me all I have learned so far.