The weather has been wintry and bad, so I have missed a few meetings. Hopefully we might get a lift and someone may be able to pick me up and take me there. Have to wait an see. Meanwhile I have been going back and touching on the Steps, particularly the spiritual steps.
My heart and mind went back to quite a bit I have learned in here. I know that I have to step aside from my pride and ego and focus on my Higher Power. I know exactly what I have read in the BB and what my sponsor and others have reminded me over time in here. And that’s where I had to learn that we sober alcoholics are not saints.
We’re human alcoholics and will be until the day we die. Sober of course. My mind takes me back to the time I knelt and begged my Higher Power to stop me from drinking and I would do anything He would want me to do. I fell asleep and awoke free from drinking alcohol for the first time in many many years. What a miracle that was…and still is.
I often go back to thinking about this, because it helps me to be reminded of exactly why I am here. I learned that I am to stay sober a day at a time. I know that I need to remember this, and hopefully pass this on to someone who desperately needs this. And that’s where my prayers come in.
I frequently go back to that prayer, “Relieve me of the bondage of self, so that I may better serve Thee”. I find myself doing this on a regular basis. It’s a reminder to me of why I am here and what it is I need to be doing. I find my mind going back to this over and over again. What I need to do on a regular basis. To focus going into my Higher Power’s will and not my own.
Like I said, ego deflation in depth. I have to constantly go within and cut my ego down to size. Not that I’m always there, but still I have to be aware of who and what I am. I’m a sober alcoholic, who is hopefully totally open to doing my God’s will. I need to remember this always. Part of my being grateful to the miracle I was given in that First Step. Freedom from the bondage of alcohol, which owned me, and was making me sunk down to where I was going to commit suicide…until I heard we could be helped.
Anyway I was thinking about this today, as I often do from day to day. I am so grateful to my Higher Power, and my old sponsor, his wife, and so many old timers in here. And, of course, to all those today, who continue to help me.