Argument, acceptance, awareness, and appreciation. The four A’s. I was thinking about these today.
We were talking about how things used to be and what they are like today and gratitude. As it went around the room, someone said how their daughter had said that acceptance was the answer to all our problems. Hmm. That’s really true, but sometimes hard to accept.
When I got sober, I sure wasn’t accepting of a lot of what I heard in this program. But I was willing to argue about what it was that I was supposed to accept. I argued a lot and was always amazed that they didn’t throw me out the second story window. That’s what happened to a lot of us, who thought we knew something. We argued. I did I know. “Yes, but…”
Eventually I gradually began to learn the truth of what was going on and slowly started to accept what I needed to accept. Wasn’t always easy. Things like the spiritual axiom. That whenever we’re disturbed there’s something wrong with us. Not me! I would proclaim. It’s those other people!
But later I came to see the truth. It was me! Whew! How could I have been so thick in the head not to see that? I slowly (I mean slow, slow, slowly) became aware.
That was another step along the way. Awareness. I had no awareness of the truth of things. It took a while to catch onto this. The more aware I became, the more I began to learn and accept the “unacceptable”. Talk about grinding things out. And that’s what the suffering a know-it-all has to endure. Like me.
The fact of the matter is, I believe, that one of the keys to the spiritual life and sobriety is awareness. I have to be aware, if I want to maintain a spiritual condition. I have to be aware. if I want to avoid self will run riot. I need to be aware of my character defects and the fact that they’re going to be there everyday. I have to be aware of my higher power, the God of my understanding. I have to be aware of those around me. Who I hang out with. Once I become complacent I am no longer aware and that is dangerous for an alcoholic like myself.
But the more I am able to accept the more I appreciate what this program has done for me. I have to learn to appreciate what I hear daily in the meetings. Without appreciation things get stale and boring and we stop going to meetings and develop resentments with our fellow alcoholics. This program, regardless of what is being offered to us, has a depth to it which cannot be plumbed by a mind like my own. I have had to learn this over and over through my time in here. I really have come to appreciate this program on all levels. All I have to do is sit quietly and listen and learn and relearn what I have forgotten.
So today, as I was thinking about sobriety, I thought about the four A’s I have come to know in this program. Can’t tell you how much I appreciate all of this. Makes me grateful.