No matter how lightly an alcoholic like myself may seem to take things, beneath the surface I know that this is a very serious disease I have. The literature tells me that, when I came here I for first time learned of the fatal nature of this disease. I believe this with my whole heart and mind.
I can never forget how it was with me, when I arrived at the doors of this program. Because of my despair, I had come very close to ending it all. Not only that, my physical and mental condition was very close to the edge. There is no doubt in my mind that, had I continued drinking, that I was not long for this world.
Today we were talking about the consequences we suffered, which made us want to stop drinking and drove us into this program. Some of what I heard today was pretty grim. But no grimmer than what I had experienced myself.
It certainly made clear how most of us got here. All the failures in our life in our relationships, the economic disasters, the mental and physical deterioration, and, finally the spiritual vacuum most of us suffered from. Hardly a picture of a voluntary entrance into sobriety. Most of us were driven here out of desperation.
However most of us agreed that all of this, looking back, was a gift of great value. Without it, we would never have what we have today. Contentment most of the time, peace of mind and serenity, a true sense for me of being comfortable for the first time, freedom from the curse of loneliness, but most of all, freedom from alcohol. So this suffering I and the rest went through was a necessary price of admission into living a sober life.
When one of the promises tells us that we will not forget the past and wish to close the door on it, why would we? Our experiences in the suffering we went through are literally pure gold. A gift we can offer others, who are themselves suffering and seeking a solution to their problems with alcohol. The gift, which keeps enriching us,as long as we remain sober.
That was the same gift our founders gave to us. We read about it in the BB over and over again. I know I identify with most of what I read and what I hear. Even the words in the Forward To First Edition make that clear, as to what is being offered to all of us. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered. How? By recounting their experiences. In other words, giving someone like myself this precious gift, their experiences in suffering, so someone like me can identify with them and say, “Yes, I know exactly what you mean! That’s how I felt, too.”
Just reading Bill’s story convinced me. I knew exactly what he was saying. He and the rest in those pages were giving me, us, the gift which keeps on giving. It’s that great love, the discipline, which is accompanied by its predecessor, great suffering.