How easy it is to slip and slide away from hope. Just watching two people today at the meeting and listening to them. One was playing around with the thought of drinking again. The other was in a great deal of pain and was coming back after slipping and sliding down into a new bottom. At least she hurts enough and may finally do what we all had to do. Surrender. First Step.
I was thinking tonight about the meeting and a lot of other things. First the meeting. Every time I have to share with someone either new or coming back, the story of my hitting bottom dwells on the pain I suffered from. And what was that? Despair. I had lost all hope. I couldn’t stop drinking and I could see no way out of where I was. I just wanted to kill myself. I had looked in the barroom mirror and saw what I had become for the first time in my life.
I often react to this part of my life. Even though it’s far into the past I can still feel it. It’s like it happened yesterday. I know it didn’t but new people and returnees are good reminders to me that I’m still an alcoholic. I’m not cured nor will I be. I’ve had a spiritual awakening as the result of surrender and working the Steps of this program. And that’s the part which lifts me out of it, when I am able to share that part with these people. Are they willing? Are they in enough pain to come in and do what we all did to get to where we are today?
The bottom line is that just sharing my experiences is enough to convince me that I never ever want to go back to where I came from. And it makes me aware of what a miracle I’ve experienced in here. Sober! And I did nothing to earn this. Just surrendered and asked the God of my understanding for help. And I was given that help. The drink was gone! Then I came in and have never had to go back out.
This program works. One of the things I received in the beginning is still part of my life today. Hope. I never want to ever forget that. That hope eventually led to a faith in a Power greater than myself. My Higher Power. And that faith led to love. Love to and from my Higher Power, the program, my family, the people in the program, my long term friends, and the sick and suffering alcoholics like myself.
After the meeting I was privileged to be able to listen with and share with a few others. The subject of hope was right there. All I can do is to tell others what has happened to me. Hope and the restoration to sanity. The faith which resulted from things like this which happened to me. Anyway that was what I was thinking about and came into my consciousness tonight.
All of this is part of the spiritual solution I have been exposed to since I entered this program. Can’t help but think about this often. I’m sober because of this and never want to forget what I have been given so freely. Think I’ll give it away at every opportunity I’m given. Need to say thanks for all of this.