There’s a story about St. Teresa of Avila. She was traveling across Spain between convents in some pretty rough country. Mountains and wild rivers and all that kind of thing. Anyway, she was riding in this top heavy carriage and they came to this river and had to cross a rickety bridge. In the middle of the bridge the horses balked and the carriage tipped sideways and Teresa was thrown from the carriage into the river. The story goes that she came up sputtering, soaked to the skin, wearing voluminous robes, which were drenched thoroughly. She was have said to look angrily to the heavens and exclaim, “Oh, God, why me and why now?” A voice came back to her from above and said, “Teresa, I do this to all my friends.” Teresa replied, “No wonder you have so few friends!”
It’s a story, but it does illustrate how we all feel, when we hit some of the bumps in the road of life. Oh, God, why me?&nbs!
p; I was reminded of that story today. A man, whose son stayed out all night at the age of 15, called me the first thing this morning, frantic over what to do and how to act. Another man had a terrible night, which caused him great agony and described it to me in detail. And, during the course of these calls, I tried to make coffee with one hand, the other on the phone, and made a complete mess of things, which caused my sister to get angry. In the middle of all of the commotion, I stepped on one of the dogs, who yiped, and I said something, which was not quite bleepable, which further angered my sister and I think there’s not much communication going on. Why me? Why them?
Fortunately I went to a meeting, which brought it all back into perspective. A man had expressed frustration at some economic failure, but said, “Nothing’s worth a drink”. I was asked to speak first and I responded to what this man had said! . True, nothing’s worth a drink, but we drink anyway. I was reminded of what Tom used to say:
“AA does not promise you a rose garden, but it does promise you that if, you do what we did, you can stay sober.” Of course it promises much more than that.
Then, at the end of the meeting, a woman, who had eighteen years, told us that she was two months back from a drunk, which was the result of several frustrating events, which made her mad, and she drank again. Anger (frustration) cuts us off from the sunlight of the spirit, the insanity returns, and we drink again.
Tom used to say, “Why not you?” This, when I whined, why me? Why not me? What makes me so special that I think I’m an exception? The problem for me is, how am I going to respond, when I hit a bump in the road?
The tenth step in the 12&12 opens with the line, ! can I stay sober, keep in emotional balance, and live to good purpose under any and all conditions? If I’m on the beam, I can. If I’m maintaining this way of life, of course. But, when I’m cocksure of myself, maybe not. When I don’t think that I’m “deserving” of such ill treatment by life, I’m open to self destructive actions. If I don’t ask for help, of course not. If I’m not talking to others, of course not. If I’m withdrawn and isolated from people just like me, of course not. If I’m not reminded of who and what I am, of course not.
I need the help from the hand above and the hands around me. I can’t do this by myself. Without help it’s too much for us. But it’s so easy to forget. I need to be reminded.
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