Back in the beginning of this program, long before the BB was written, and sometime before they had meetings, as we have them today, the main literature of this program came from Emmett Fox and the book of James. This last was based on the epistle or letter of St. James.
The letter describes a lot of things we find in our present program. One of them, the twelfth step is found in it. It says something to effect that he who saves his brother from the pit, also saves himself. But one of the things it begins with and discusses at length is the smallest member of the body; the tongue. James uses the analogy of the rudder on a ship. He said this smallest part of the ship is able to steer and determine the destination of the ship. So it is with the tongue. He urges great care with this small member.
A friend of mine reminded me of this message today. He told about a faux paux he committed a few weeks back. He said he went up to a man and thinking he was being humerous, gave him praise for something he had done and finished it with making a point of one of the man’s physical shortcomings. He said the man walked off without a word and he said it was one of those moments, where, if he could have, he would have intercepted the words and stopped them before they reached the man’s ears. It was a Friday and he had the whole weekend to stew and fret over his words. By the time Mon. came he was more than eager to make amends for his slip of the tongue. He said he never wanted to say what he said. It came from a habit of talking to a friend of his and ending laughing over the words that were contained in his slip.
We sat and talked about this at length. We talked about how, when we come in, most of us have a mouthful of garbage and use a lot of words that we would be ashamed of saying in front of some of our family and friends. Even so, we often have had slips in front of some of these people. Now, we have to confront some of this language. As one old timer pointed out, we have to stop talking like we’re in a barroom, or chance ending back up in a barroom. I could understand that.
It took a lot of effort with many failures before my language began to sound like I was serious about the recovery process. But finally it is so much better than it was when I was out there drinking. I can still revert back in moments, when my mind is unprotected and I’m under some kind of stress. Even then, if I can get a momentary pause, I can stop my tongue from directing my ship up on the reefs. I’ve almost got an alarm system built in.
Now I can talk at meetings and to others one on one and sound like a sober human being. I can even think in a good way. But, every now and then a word or two, never more, tends to rise to the surface. Most of the time I can grab it and throw it out, but….
I was thinking, as we spoke, how, having cleaned up the worst of this language, that it was so easy to sit back and give ourselves a pat on the back and relax. Whew! That’s over, goes my mind. But, there was a lot of other stuff, maybe not so much offensive in terms of it being outright obscene or vulgar, maybe not so much cursing, but still socially unacceptable and maybe more harmful. Most of it comes in the disguise as being “funny”.
Some of it might be the habit of gossip. I’ve certainly have had my share of that and maybe more. Getting sober began to diminish a lot of that. I had the feeling after some of this of needing a shower to clean the sludge off from of these sessions. But I have also had occassion to be talking and before I knew it I had blundered into some of this with people who might have been related to the gossip or friends, who were insulted with what I said.
Or, like my friend, I had acquired a few bad habits in speech and have let my tongue precede any engagement of my mind had taken place.
Why is this so important in what we’re asked to do on a daily basis? For one thing, spending a weekend in the torture of guilt has led some of our number back out the door. It can also lead others, on the receiving end, out the same exit and perhaps myself as a result of remorse over that. I have to remember how much drinking I did over guilt and remorse. It was a vicious cycle.
What James had to say is worth a second thought. Our founders certainly thought it was. I think it is and so does my friend. The bottom line is that this smallest member of my body has the power to get me drunk. I pray this never happens, but my mouth has gotten me into more trouble than anything else.
But, there is a solution. I can work the program and follow the lead of my sponsor and all those, who knew what they were talking about and how this simple program works.