Last night I read a story from the BB before falling asleep. It was from the second edition, called The Independent Blond. It was the story of a rebellious young lady, who from her teen age years on, drank and lived only for herself, blaming others for her drinking and her failures, until she found AA. From that point on, she was awakened to a totally new way of living, as were we all.
Her story was especially important, because of what she said about honesty. Her concern, when she first came in, about honesty made her go to Dr.Silkworth and ask him what honesty was. He told her that it was not about being honest with others and telling them the truth. It was about being truthful with herself first.
What is the truth about me? I know that in the beginning I could not face who and what I was at all, except for one thing. I knew, at last, that I was an alcoholic. As time went on, I did my fourth and fifth step and then the eighth and ninth. But over and over I was confronted with the sixth and seventh steps and the tenth. All this on a daily basis. What if found was what was under all that stuff I found in those other four steps. I’m continually being confronted with things I missed along the way. Some of it I had already told others, but never realized or accepted in myself. My capacity for denial is amazing. I might be telling you the truth, but maybe not myself.
When I think of this, I know why I must continue each day to discover what is down there, because I don’t ever want to find some booby trap popping up to blow up in my face and take me back to a drink. This is why it’s so important for me to talk to others everyday. Through each and everyone I speak to, I begin to learn more about myself. In trying to give to others, I receive the gift of them and the truth of myself.
I don’t know why this particular part of her story jumped out at me, but I thought it was important. It’s a reminder to me of why we do what we do. It’s about putting sobriety first, last, and always. We do these things because they keep us sober.
Anyway, I know I can strive each day, with the help of others and my Higher Power to inch closer to a lifetime of sober living. The rewards are great and my gratitude is to all those, who have given me the support and the strength to accomplish this.
By the way, these stories I read, which have been dropped from the three previous editions, are to be found in the book. “Experience, Strength, & Hope”, published by AA World Services, Inc.