Thinking about when I came in, I remember what they told me. I was told that I would never have to be alone again. I guess that was a big problem, which was a result of all those years drinking. I felt alone. Totally alone. Like they said, I could be alone in a crowd. I was empty inside. I had what they called, a “God hole” inside of me. You could dump the whole world in it and never fill it up. I was alone and always lonely. Bill W. wrote somethng in the 12&12 to the effect that the alcoholic was struck down and left in terrifying loneliness.
But all that was changed, or at least my viewpoint, when I stepped across the threshold into an AA meeting. I was to learn that I couldn’t live this sober life alone. I was going to need the help of others just like me. One alcoholic helping another. It took time, but the more I became willing to accept the help of another, the easier it became.
What I was to learn from my sponsor and others was that I could be alone but never lonely again. I was to fill up that hole within me from the inside. Not just the love and care of those around me would do this. In fact that was only part of what would mend what was wrong with me. My Higher Power would do that for me. God would be doing for me what I couldn’t do for myself.
None of this was going to happen overnight. Like Bill said a lifetime of selfishness and self centeredness had to be faced and dealt with. By continually working these steps into my life a day at a time began to bring about that change within me. I haven’t been lonely in many years. I have been alone a lot of times, but never lonely. As a result, a day at a time, I haven’t found it necessary to pick up a drink. I can leave it alone.
Anyway, just thinking about this on the occassion of Christmas Day. Just another day to stay sober. I can’t tell you how grateful this makes me.