I was thinking this morning of what I know. Know about what? Know what it is that I am doing and what I have done.
Why all this examination? It’s about sobriety. That’s what my primary purpose is all about. And what is it I know? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I came to this program so smart. I was filled with all the answers. You could ask me anything and I would have an answer for you. But something happened to me along the path that was to completely change me. I was to learn just how ignorant I was. I was to learn how dumb I was. I was to learn that all I thought I knew was of little or no value. Like my sponsor told me, I was educated beyond my intelligence. And, as Bill W. pointed out, that when I came here, my plan for living was stupid. I was to begin the process of ego deflation in depth.
There was a time when I thought I could tell you how this program worked and why. Today I can join all those who will tell you that they have no idea how this program works. All I know today is that it does work. Don’t ask me how it does; it just does.
I know that I am sober today by the grace of God and all the people who have helped me along the way. I have learned that what is said in the rooms of AA is not for intellectual consumption. The words may be clever and often amusing, but it’s not the words we need to remember. It’s what’s behind them.
I also know that we have to go to meetings. Without meetings we lose the connection to this program. It doesn’t take long. Just ask someone who has lost the connection.
I know that we can be too smart for this program. We can outsmart ourselves. When we do we really become examples of just how stupid we can be. Simple is the solution. But we can also become simple minded. Balance is the solution for that. My sponsor told me, and it has proved out over time, that I was to use my head and not my heart. He told me that
God put that thing on my shoulders for a reason. I was to use it and not abuse it.
There is one thing I know. That’s the truth of this program. I know that from my experience. That’s all I know. Oh, yeah, I know what it says in the BB and the rest of the literature. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that. It’s helped keep me sober.
I know that this all may sound dumb, but it’s just what I was thinking about today.
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