Isn’t it funny? I was thinking about what Bill W. said in the BB about the director in the fifth chapter in the BB. It made me laugh.
I was sitting out on the back porch thinking about this. It’s about 12 degrees out there, but I didn’t seem to notice it. I was thinking about movie and stage directors and the seeming difficulties they had with the actors to whom they were trying to get their message across. A lot of them walked out on their projects or got fired for failing to do so.
And then there’s me. How often in the past the actors in my life didn’t get the message. And I was the star of my projects. How dare they? They just wouldn’t behave or act the way I wanted them to carry out their roles in my life. Of course that led to a lot of self pity and anger and resentment. Poor me.
However I have found myself fortunate to have found this program and discovered that my role in life is not that of a director of anything, other than my performing the roles assigned to me by my higher power. Others, like my sponsor and the old timers I knew were able to show me what my part was in my
staying sober.
What a relief that was. A heavy, self imposed burden was lifted from my shoulders. Although I can say that there are always those moments of insanity, when I want to grab back the controls. I was thinking about an actor talking about his role in a movie. He had learned all his lines and was prepared to carry out the scene, when the director told him to turn up the radio on the set to a very loud volume. The actor said that he did as he was told, but then no one could hear his lines.
I have the same feeling at times. Someone has the radio on too loud and I can’t hear what I’m saying or thinking. No one is doing it my way. Why can’t they behave and act the way I want them to?
That passage is part of the Third Step in that chapter. And the answer to my dilemma is right there in the Third Step Prayer. “Relieve me of the bondage of self.” It’s always about me, isn’t it? Fortunately for me, I’m not in control. What would the world be like, if I was? I’d hate to think. When I thought I was it was a hell on earth for me and others around me.
The only directions I need are those in the Twelve Steps, which have opened the door to a new freedom and a new happiness. I have been restored to some kind of sanity. At least as far as alcohol is concerned. The rest of the insanity is up to me and my higher power through the practice of these principles, which come through the application of the Steps in my life. Not perfect but doable.