There is nothing more damaging in this world than human emotions. That’s what a very spiritual man once said. He was right. Take a look at the world around us and it becomes quite clear. What do we see? A world dominated by greed, anger, lust, envy…and the list goes on.
Oh, that’s right. That pretty much describes what I was like. And sometimes it comes back. My character defects. And what was the damage they did? All I have to do is look back at the landscape behind me. That tornado the BB talks about. Roaring through the lives around me.
But sobriety changed all of that. The solution to my problem with alcohol. And what changed? The First Step told me that my life had become unmanageable. Was it a lack of money? No. I don’t have any. Yet my life is more manageable. Was it relationships? Yes.
To me sobriety is about relationships. What else is there? We don’t live in a world in isolation. Although many of us wish we could have. We live in a world with people. Others outside of ourselves. And it was these emotions out of control that threw all of this into chaos. As the BB said, instincts in collision.
When I came in, I had all the emotions of a teenager or younger. I had never ever learned to control them in a manner acceptable to the rest of society. Alcohol just unleashed them on whoever was around. It’s in sobriety that I have begun to manage them.
My sponsor urged me to use my head for what it was made for. To use my mind and my reason and not let those emotions to rule and run my thoughts and my life. Little by little I have begun to emerge from childhood into adulthood. Maturity. Emotional maturity.
I learned to think before I opened my mouth. Well, not perfectly, but better. To take a deep breath and step back, instead of charging into situations. To try to keep my nose out of the business of others. To keep my mouth and my hands to myself. To try to be honest. And, as the Twelfth Step instructs me, to try to practice these principles in all of my affairs.
The answer underlying all of this is spiritual. A dependency and a relationship with my higher power. The very thing my entire sober life depends upon.
And the result of all of this is, not only am I sober, but I have also improved most all of my relationships with others. I have deep and abiding friendships, as a result. For the most part I get along with those around me. And all of this is the result of working these Twelve Steps into my life. Trying to apply spiritual principles to my life, rather than emotional turmoil and chaos, as I once had.
Not always easy but do-able. How can I help but be grateful for all this program has given me?