Today I had to think of a couple of things. One was fear, which someone brought up in the meeting, and the other was the solution. And, for me and so many others, the solution is spiritual.
No doubt from listening to many sober alcoholics today, almost all related how, when they came into the program, fear plagued them. I know that after I finally woke up in here fear hit me from many directions. And it took the help of my sponsor and his friend to lead me down the right road to the answer. And that started with the Second Step, which launched me finally into a spiritual way of life through the Twelve Steps of this program.
A lot of those, who talked, related to the practical aspect of fear, like looking both ways before crossing the street. Healthy fears. Then the unhealthy fears, which they all said can come up without warning to so many. One of them is the result of projection into the future, which starts with anxiety and worry and eventually fear. Staying in the present was what I was told and try to remember.
But, as I sat there and listened, I began to scan my life today. I know not too long ago, a couple of weeks, I was startled to learn that my daughter had been rushed to the hospital and had to have emergency surgery to save her life. We don’t live too close to each other, so when I called and discovered what happened, like I said, it startled me. I’m not sure it was fear so much, as it was confusion. Right after I found it out I went to thoughts about something like the Serenity Prayer. Lack of power. Nothing I could change or fix. I knew I was powerless.
And what struck me were those words in the Ninth Step. They spelled out for me the kind of life I have been working on for a long time in this program and they seem to have been the answer for someone like me. The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it. That I really believe. Trust and reliance on my Higher Power.
Sure, sometimes anxiety will arise, like with my daughter, worry. However before it becomes fear, I’ve learned to seek the spiritual solution. To not only ask for the help of my Higher Power, but to change my mind and my attitude. The same thing with anger and resentments. To me, using these Steps, especially the Tenth and Eleventh, and possibly moving directly into the Twelfth, I have often found the cure for what ails me. Putting the spiritual life into practice.
That’s exactly what I learned from those old timers and my sponsor. I know others like myself, who have told me something like that in their own lives. I don’t have any idea what the person, who seemed to be bothered by fear did or will do. I’m not in charge. I only know what this alcoholic has to think and do. It has worked for me for a long time now. It’s part of the the spiritual path we’re on, I believe.
Just grateful for this way of life I have been given. Talking to someone after the meeting last night and today, it was about this very thing. Looking back at where I came from and where I am today, it’s a miracle. As I have said before, I didn’t earn this way of life. Far from it, but here it is today. I can only thank the God of my understanding and all those who have supported me from the time I came here up to today. I’m sober because of it.