Couldn’t avoid thinking about “help” today. That’s because I ran across the thought, which I had planted into my head.
Of course, when I came to the program I wasn’t the kind that wanted to reveal to anyone that I needed help of any sort. My closed mind and my keeping my secrets wouldn’t allow me to ask anyone or tell anyone what was going on with me. The result was that, not drinking, I was sinking deeper and deeper into ignorance and fear.
I think it was my first sponsor, who began to dig me out of the pit I had dug for myself. And that was by his taking me out on all those Twelfth Step calls we went on. Plus the fact that I met an old timer downtown at one of the clubs in DC. I found, since he wasn’t at what was to become my home group, that I felt a little more free to talk to him.
Eventually, by continuing to go to meetings on a daily basis, and getting my second sponsor my mind began to open a little more. Then came the introduction to the Second Step. Another surrender. The introduction to the spiritual life I was eventually begin to live through the Steps of this program.
I think it was the openness of my sponsor that I began to tell him things. Then came my Fourth and Fifth Steps in about the third month in. I found it easier to talk to those, whom I had placed confidence in that they would not tell others what I had told them. It was then I heard others talking about themselves and the problems they faced and were looking for answers.
Asking for help and searching with others in this program didn’t happen over night. It took time. But after opening the door and my mind that the sober people in the program were really trying to help me, I had a beginning.
The reason all this started me thinking about this was that I’ve run across too many, who seem closed up and run into all kinds of trouble, but don’t seem to want help. And on the other hand, talking to people I know in the program, who are open and looking for answers it reminded me of how much help I have been given over time, which literally saved my life.
But there’s more. All of this was the beginning for me to seek help from my Higher Power. This came up today, while I was talking to a couple of old friends, who were not only looking for help, but were returning the favor by reminding me of the spiritual solutions we all have found in this program over time. It was so clear that it made my prayers and meditations today a real gift.
That’s what came so clear was that most of what has troubled me over this time I have been living sober in this program, how much all the answers I have been seeking have been taken care of spiritually. Something I would never have thought of before coming into the program. Doesn’t matter what the problems have been. Financial, legal, business, social, or whatever. At the root cause I have found a spiritual answer. And often I have not been aware of that until after. It is just part of what I learned in here.
First comes hope, and hope leads to faith and trust, and that leads to love. But it all began, when I started to persevere, regardless of the stumbling blocks in front of me. Something I learned from my sponsor and those old timers. Never give up. Keep on keeping on.
Just thoughts, which once again lead me to gratitude for all I have been given. And what I have been given is sobriety. And that was freely given to an alcoholic, who didn’t deserve it. How could I be anything but grateful?