I’m always surprised, when I hear someone tell my old story. I don’t know why. I should think that I would be used to this by now. But no. It always seems to catch me off guard. It’s really not a negative reaction on my part. I know it’s what I really need to hear, and so I listen and I also share my experience, which sounds much like theirs.
The only difference is that I have changed and am still sober. I know exactly where they are, because I have been in their seat. Thought the same way and have been immature, insecure, and oversensitive, as my sponsor pointed out to me. He was right.
The poor alcoholic is suffering from not being able to stay in the day. They find themselves projecting off into the future, with all the defects which accompany this. The emotional grind which causes fear, self pity, anger, resentments, and so on and on. And then too, they find themselves drifting back into the past and all the junk which goes with that. Like I said, been there and done that.
Part of the problem is that the trouble of accepting the fact that time takes time. The inability to be willing to realize that this is not an overnight event. Like them, I brought in so much insanity and immaturity, wanting to control everything, and the frustration of not being able to do that. Impatience.
Of course I was fortunate that I had the sponsor I had and his ability to help me stop and begin to think and finally accept. He and those old timers back then, who kept directing people like me to put our intellects over our emotions. To think with my head and not my heart. My feelings. To learn to pray and ask for the help I needed to begin to grow along spiritual lines and come to have the faith to depend on my Higher Power.
Finally, after enough time in here, I began to be able to stay in the day and not wander off into the future or the past. The past was gone and the future wasn’t a reality. Hadn’t happened yet. I learned to look at my feet and see where I was located and then to pay attention to what was going on at the moment. But it took time to get past my faults.
I look back on all of this and listened to what others said, who identified closely to what this suffering chronic alcoholic was saying. Almost everyone recognized where he was at this moment. All encouraged him to talk to his sponsor and to listen and follow his directions and that of the old timers in his groups. Just exactly what all of us had to experience.
Anyway it made me grateful to be reminded of where I was back then, when I was just like him. To see how amazing this program is and how it has changed my thinking and my actions. To look around the room and to be amazed that I’m still here and still sober, because of all the help I have received from my Higher Power and all those alcoholics in this fellowship who have helped me to stay sober and live a wonderful way of life. Amazing. Makes me grateful for all I have been so freely given.
Just another reminder to help me stop and think about staying sober a day at a time.