Today was a day when I could talk to others about their anger and their confusion on how to handle it, if they wanted to. Not easy because a couple of them didn’t want to forget what they felt got them angry. However, like talking to a new man about alcohol, I had to give it a try.
I told them what I had learned from my sponsor and those old timers about how I could handle my anger and get rid of the dreaded resentments, which followed that burst of emotions within me. I told them regardless of how long I have been sober my faults still come up and I have had to learn how to deal with them. And one of the first things was how to deal with my emotions, which would always take over my mind and my reactions.
I know I often go through all of what my sponsor and those old timers told me about my emotions. I had to learn that I needed to place my mind, my intellect, over my emotions. To not let them be in charge of my mind, my thinking. Not an easy task for an alcoholic like me. But I knew I was talking to others, who were seeking how to take care of their anger and its results within them.
One of the keys I learned was to learn to grow along spiritual lines and to come to have hope and faith in my Higher Power. I had to learn how to deal with my emotions the minute they showed up within me. I had to learn how to back off from them and stop and pray for the strength and courage to change at that point. Took time. Not an overnight event. But over time I did begin to get the results I definitely needed. And then I had to learn how to use my head in a sane way.
I had to recognize who was responsible for me. Me. I had to learn how step away and leave the cause of my anger with the other person. Whatever they were doing really had nothing to do with me. It was really none of my business. I had to learn how to step away and sometimes walk away. And I had to learn how to pray for the person and then turn them over to my Higher Power. It was the Serenity Prayer. I needed the peace and serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I’m not in charge. Not in control.
I had to learn how to stop taking others inventories and leave them alone. The Tenth Step. Whenever I’m disturbed there is something wrong with me. I need to take my own inventory. And then I need to do whatever it is to take care of what I find. I can’t fix anyone else. I don’t have the power. And then remember what I read in the BB. There is one who has all power…
Anyway I know that I’m still subject to faults. I’m not cured of this disease. I know that I have had a spiritual awakening and have been placed in a neutral position as far as alcohol is concerned. So the physical side of my disease has been cared for a day at a time. On the other hand the human side of me, my mental, emotional, and spiritual part of me is still in reach of my stumbling. That’s why my old sponsor told me that I needed to be ready to pick myself up and dust myself off, when I find myself stumbling. And then keep on keeping on.
I came here to learn how to stay sober a day at a time. And no matter how long I have been sober, I am still learning. Like I said I’m still human. I’m not a saint, but I need to have the humility to admit and accept what is wrong with me and try to continue to grow along spiritual lines. I need all the help I can get. I know I have had the assistance of not only my Higher Power, but all those old timers in this fellowship, and then all those I have met and learned to love and care for over time in here. I know I cannot do this by myself. I need all the help I can get. And I need to listen to those who have the experience of how to handle themselves and stay sober.
Anyway I need to stop and think about all of this today. I never want to ever drink again. I know if I will continue to try to change my attitude and follow directions, go to meetings, pray and ask for help, I will be okay. I’m grateful for all I have been given.