A couple of things today were supposedly the subjects, but the truth was that both of them were about emotions. I know that the first time I heard emotions, all of a sudden the old timers statements come up. The “Eye” over “E”. Intellect over our emotions. Not easy, but do-able.
However there are other openings in this program to help with this. Helping alcoholics like ourselves to avoid being overcome by the negative emotions. Particularly anger and resentments. And of course all the other negative emotions, which have taken alcoholics like ourselves back out to alcohol.
First of all, honesty is a major factor in dealing with these. Because lack of truth can force chronic alcoholics like myself to try to justify how I’m feeling and thinking. Not me thinking, but my emotions doing my thinking for me. Very risky. So, I need to be open and willing to talk and share with a sponsor or another alcoholic with time and experience in this program. And then listening to them.
One of the Steps, which can be useful to someone like me, is the Tenth. The spiritual axiom which tells me that whenever we’re disturbed there is something wrong with us. That separates me from others. I am not to seek to blame others and take their inventory, but I am to take my own and deal with myself. If I feel angry or resentful, or anything else, like self pity, feeling sorry for myself, I need to make myself face the truth. I need to be honest and seek the help I need in here.
Very often, if I’m dependent on my Higher Power, I need to ask for help. Just as often I can get guidance for this from others, like I have in the past. But it’s also the Second Step, the dependence on the God of my understanding, the application of spirituality.
The other thing which came to mind is what my old sponsor told me. Whenever I find myself caught in negativity I need to stop my day and start it over. To step aside, take a deep breath, pray, ask for help, and change my attitude from negative to positive. Those old timers back, when I came in, would always direct us to take the time to do this.
Anyway I was thinking about this today. I’m not in control. I have to remember that. I’m here to grow along spiritual lines. To practice humility. Not easy for an egotistical chronic alcoholic like myself, but necessary. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. I need to do what is asked of me. And then I’m to do the next right thing, which is to be open to reach out and help others like myself. Freely giving what was freely given to me. My gratitude for what I have been given.