One of those things, I know, which bothers people like us, especially the newer folks, are the return of defects in our lives. Have gone through this experience time after time. This is especially true after going through Six and Seven.
Back, when I came in, my old sponsor and the old timers, filled me in on what was happening to me. Probably what the BB said about my being a human being and not a saint. Rereading the Sixth Step in the 12&12 is helpful. However I was told that I would find myself stumbling over this stuff for the rest of my life in here. Right up to the end of my life. Just the way it would be.
I might have convinced myself I was done with this stuff, but I had to get honest with myself and face the fact that I might tell myself I was becoming one thing, while the truth was deep within me that I was probably conning myself. I had to begin to face the fact that what I was told was the real truth. I could continue to try to deal with these, and some might fade, but not all of them for sure.
What I had to learn was what my sponsor told me, that, when I stumbled, I had to pick myself up and start my day over. I had to be able to have the humility to admit that I was not perfect. I often had to ask for forgiveness and pray for the help I needed. To get back on track again, staying sober a day at a time.
I also had to learn how to adapt a positive attitude and get rid of the negative attitude, which comes with the sliding and tripping over these things. I often was able to learn to laugh at myself and keep on keeping on. And I had to be grateful for my sponsor and others, plus the help I was getting from my Higher Power. Never want to forget all of this. To be aware of just how imperfect I am. I’m not cured. I will be an alcoholic until the day I die.
There is no cure for this disease. I know that I have been gifted with a suspension of thinking about a drink. I am totally aware of the grace I have been given. And that always reminds me of what it is I need to continue to do. And that’s to concentrate to stay sober a day at a time. I know I also need to remember to practice this spiritual way of life I have learned in here. To go to meetings. To share and be shared with by others like myself. To open my ears and listen. And when necessary to open my mouth for others, especially new comers.
Anyway I am grateful for what I have learned in here. I need to continue to not only say thanks, but to freely give what was so freely given to me.