I have a friend in here, who like myself, gets laughed at often. I have never asked him why he does what he does and gets laughed at. I know why, even though I very rarely try to say something, which would bring up laughs. But being laughed at is in a way something of value for me.
When I start my day, I often go to the mirror and point at myself and say, “You klutz you’re nuts!”. That gets me laughing at myself, which begins my day with humor on the one hand, but it gets reinforced when people in the meetings treat me with humor. In other words it reduces my ego centered nature. Hopefully something I think is impossible for this alcoholic. Humility. But aiming for it.
I can remember my sponsor and some of those old timers cutting me down to size. I have often looked back and give them credit for helping me to get along without being self centered, like I was when I was out there. I learned how to get out of my own way from time to time.
The reason I stopped to think about this today is nothing new. But it’s to help me to try to truly focus on why I am here. I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. And this is today. It’s to get my mind off of me and open to others I can pray for and care for. And hopefully be able to reach out and help another alcoholic who needs my compassion and care.
I often do stop and think about others and not myself. Like I said, I learned all of this from those old timers, who reached out and helped me by deflating my ego, as they were encouraged to do. Looking back I can definitely see how this began to help me to start to change. It got me to look at my being dishonest. Especially when my sponsor told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. That began to open the door on my self centered thinking. With his help and that of others I began to become aware of how much I thought I was in control of everything in my life.
Fortunately I began to use these Steps to help me step back and begin to change. I have never forgotten this. In fact I was talking to someone the other day about the Tenth Step. I can remember the day that the spiritual axiom, whenever I’m disturbed there’s something wrong with me, not someone else. Even though they may be part of it. It’s no longer my business. I have to change me. The Serenity Prayer.
I well remember the moment I woke up to this. And that was part of the gifts my old sponsor and those old timers had given me.
Anyway I had to step back and remember I need to be grateful to my Higher Power for all the help I have been given to stay sober and live a good life in here. And I also need to express my gratitude to my old sponsor and all those old timers. And, of course, all those, who help me today, even though they may not know this. And part of all this is to help others.