When I finally got sober I discovered, at 42, how immature I was. Somehow I had lost my way to grow up. And that immaturity helped me to get fired and lose jobs all over the place. And when I came into this program I brought my immaturity in with me. Not alcohol, but a youthful mixed up mind.
I often have to go back and think about my second old sponsor, who nailed my immaturity. He was the one who told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know…I only thought I did. He also nailed me for the way my mind was. It was negatively immature. It ran that drunken life for me, with anger, resentments, fear, anxiety, blaming innocent people. l was in bad shape and had to grow up and change.
And that’s when he introduced me to studying, not reading the BB. But he particularly introduced me to the Second Step. It opened the door for me to the spiritual way of life, and also establishing a relationship with my Higher Power.
I had to learn how to work these Steps, and learning how to build a foundation of spirituality to begin to mature and change my way of living. And, of course, time takes time. None of this was even close to being an overnight event.
Not a month, or even a year. And, in a sense, I’m still learning, and feel I’ll be this way until the end.
Over time in here I have gone from the negative to the positive. Yet I know that I’m a human alcoholic and not a saint. None of us are. I can start a day with being spiritual, but will find myself being human and tripping over my old junk. I was told I would be this way until the day I die. Yet I know, with the help of my Higher Power, and all those in here, who continue to offer to help me, when I need it, I will continue to grow up and hopefully live a spiritual way of life, as a human sober alcoholic.
Anyway, I am grateful to my Higher Power for the gifts I have been given, from stopping drinking and having faith, hope, and love, being able to live in a spiritual way of life, and growing in faith, and cooperating with attending meetings, and being shared with, as well as sharing. And being willing to help other alcoholics who need and want help, like the way it was freely given to me. And to be willing to be grateful to all those, who have helped me stay sober and live a hopeful spiritual way of life. And, of course staying sober a day at a time.